Always asking question to my road of self help, will ever change the devil in me. To be honest have again done a lot bad stuff to my family, to women and my friends. I have abusive side to me that has to protect myself and my wrath take over. Feel some mistake are too great to have any redemption.
Foolish and selfish, I do want to change for redemption and to be a better human. I hate proper say you can never get better. God or universes plan this life and you meant to be a sinner. Thier no such thing as free will and thing happen for a reason.
I really want to believe we can change of destiny and gain new perspective and grow as human. Cuase my mistakes and weeks haunt me. I would love to go back in time and change my mistakes. To heal the ones that I have hurt and to have redemption.
Again, I talk about before and did upset people. I don’t want to feel bad and say poor you. I’m just be honest and open.
I’m hope some day I can prove that change is possible and that anyone can do it.
Hey, it sounds like you’ve really been thinking a lot about your actions and what you want to change, and that is a good thing.
I’d like to reassure you that there is always grace for people who need it. I know sometimes when we hurt people they might not be able to forgive, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find that grace and kindness in others. And for ourselves. I’d also encourage you that perhaps speaking to a professional may be beneficial? At least to strategise steps you can take when you feel you are approaching moments that maybe trigger what you’ve described as an abusive side. You’re in a safe space and I’d like to really congratulate you for recognising habits you would like to see changed.
It sounds like you may be torturing yourself for your past actions a little bit? I know what it’s like to have something play over in your mind that you wish you could have said and done differently, but remember that to grow and heal there has to be a letting go. Forgiveness for yourself. Kind of seems like you’re holding yourself under this huge weight of being a “bad person”, but you don’t have to accept that title. The great thing about growing and changing is looking forward to who you want to be. It’s hard to let go of negative self talk, but I’d encourage you to try to pick out parts of yourself that are positive and keep reminding yourself of those things.
For example I’ve seen you reply to encourage people on this forum! Wow that’s amazing, I genuinely mean that! That’s something you can use. Tell yourself “I am someone who builds others up. I deserve the same love and forgiveness”. You’ve got this, friend
I really want to believe we can change of destiny and gain new perspective and grow as human. Cuase my mistakes and weeks haunt me. I would love to go back in time and change my mistakes. To heal the ones that I have hurt and to have redemption.
Redemption and forgiveness can happen in many ways. You can’t change the past. You can’t change what was done or the hurt that happened. But you can always learn from it and you can better yourself. As human beings, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes, sometimes we even hurt others. What would keep us away from redemption would be to deny it. To deny our faults, our cracks, and keep doing the same again and again, believing that it’s just how it is and there is no need to change.
But that’s not what you’re doing. You acknowledge what you did. As far as I know you also give support here on this forum. Maybe circumstances can’t allow you to help the people you hurt in the past, but this world is full of pain if we pay attention to it. All around us, and just right here on this forum, people need an ear to listen, a heart to understand. Just a bit of time to share with someone so everyone knows their voice matters. That’s also how you contribute, also how you learn to have a positive impact in this world.
You are right: we can grow as humans. Always. Every single day is a new opportunity to try differently. And even self-forgiveness may be a long and painful process to go through, it is worth it. I personally believe that we’re all worth redemption, no matter how wrong our actions could have been, just because we’re all humans in a messy world. We all have the capacity to feel and think. It’s up to us to use those in a loving way, both with others and ourselves.
You are in that process, friend, even if sometimes you feel like stepping back. Guilt is a tough emotion to let go. But I believe you’ll keep learning to turn it into something that will you to more growth in your life, and not destruction. Being honest and open about how you feel just like you did right now is part of that process.