Me and my girlfriend just bought a house I should be happy but I am far from it I feel like we are Just a shell of what we once was it’s been off and on for years. I’m coming up on two years sober from alcohol on July 25 and lately all I’ve wanted to do is drink and my crazy mind it’s like your good Jesse you quit once you’ll be Alright a beer or two won’t hurt You and I know that’s my sick mind looking for solace from the sadness I struggle to accept good things and In my mind I’m in a dark place we are two very different people and I Just feel crazy
Congratulations on almost two years of sobriety! It sounds like this has been a hard fought win for you, and I encourage you to remain strong here. Maybe you’re right and a beer or two wouldn’t hurt, but even if (and that’s a big “if”) it didn’t hurt, it certainly won’t help any. It’ll just add something to the pile of things you want to beat yourself up for. I seriously doubt you want to start over at one day of sobriety. One day at a time, my friend. Say “not today” every day. I believe in you.
It sounds like a lot of your sadness stems from discontent with your relationship. Is that right? You said “we are two very different people.” Do you mean you are different people than you were when the relationship was new? Or you’re very different from each other? What has you doubting your relationship?
You also said “I struggle to accept good things.” On the one hand, that is great because it means that good things do happen and you do notice them! Not accepting goodness though, that’s a tough nut to crack. How do you dismiss the good things and why?
You’re not crazy, Jesse. Buying a house is a huge commitment financially, and it’s also a huge commitment to your relationship, to sharing a life with someone. If you aren’t feeling safe in your relationship, it makes perfect sense that buying a house might not fill you with a sense of joy or happiness. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just having a rough time, and that is okay.
Congrats on your sobriety. It is a huge accomplishment and I am proud of you.
Buying a house is a huge commitment and huge step in your relationship. It makes perfect sense that you would have feelings of uncertainty. Don’t give in to alcohol, as it will only make things worse. Stay strong. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling. It’s possible that you both may be feeling nervous, anxious, uncertain. Be completely up front and honest with your feelings and talk about how you feel like things aren’t how they used to be. Maybe you can find a way to get those feelings back. Before giving up, I’d really encourage talking to your partner and hearing their side of things as well. Relationships are hard, people change and life happens. Communicate openly and then go from there.