To everyone -
Unable to understand or even withstand me, the world and others imperfections. I have closed my eyes. I was fueled by rage, sadness and jelossy. And I realised that, that isn’t good. Yet I continued to be one with the negative emotions. I was controlled by them. I was too afraid to get help, I couldn’t get myself to. My brain and its thoughts kept stopping me. After several years of my battle with the brain, I have lost. A thank you to most of you. But some people in the world, you were one of the reasons why I chose to do this. Regardless, thank you. DO NOT say “Oh he was so nice” or “I’ll miss him… Fly high…” YOU DO NOT CARE. NOBODY CARES UNTIL I AM DEAD.
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Hey @anon65677632,
Thank you for trusting us here with something so intimate that is your suicide note. I’ve been where you are, friend. Of course with a different background and story. But I’ve wrote suicide letters in the past. Some were filled with a lot of despair and sadness. Some with a lot of anger, especially against the ugly sides of this world. A part of me was afraid to hurt the people I love deeply by disappearing. Another part was just convinced that they would just move on very quickly and I’m just nothing in the grand scheme of things. I felt like I was the product of injustice and no amount of love or support would ever be able to heal that.
It’s a very vulnerable position to be in. A rough spot, even when we feel like we already made up your mind. I hear your anger, friend. But I also hear all the pain and disappointment that’s behind it. Right now, and right here, you are in a safe place, so I’d like to invite you to share about what pushed you to write this note. What makes you write this “I have lost”. Just because the mindset in which we are at the moment plays a huge role in how we feel, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be different. And by saying this, I’m not ignoring what you said about battling for years. I actually relate a lot and I think it takes a lot of strength to fight for such a long time. But as weird as it sounds, coming from a random stranger, I care about you, and I believe you didn’t post here by mistake.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s use the resource we have here, which is a community willing to support you and encourage you to a healthier path. It probably feels like you only survived until know, and I’m so sorry that life has been so difficult. Yet it is possible to learn to live. Just to do things differently. You are not alone. You are not beyond hope. I truly hope that you will hold our hand here and agree to challenge, with us, those thoughts that are telling you to disappear. Becaue you deserve a fulfilling life. A life made of peace, love and respect.
Sometimes we need places to share our heart as it is. Behind this anger and exhaustion of yours, there’s a vulnerable heart that certainly holds a lot of pain. Let it all here if you need. Let it be with your own words. You have a safety net here with people who care and are willing to listen to you, to endure with you.
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Thank you, what pushed me to write this is that I just want to end my life already so I wrote this suicide note along with my will. I’m planning on jumping off a tall building or something and die on impact. I will do the deed when I have made my last choice, when life has broke me, when life has taken away my last drop of hope.
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Would you mind sharing a bit of your story? I’d love to learn to know you more.
I know that, for me personally, what pushed me to wrote those letters at the time was the result of years of abuse… I felt broken beyond repair, and deeply alone in my struggles. I’m not going to lie sometimes I still have those thoughts and feel at the edge of breaking down. But between that moment and now, I have welcomed in my life some people who love me as I am. They are an anchor to me, a lot more than they probably imagine.
Do you have that kind of people in your life?
I used to be bullied, but the main reasons are school, myself, lost hope in humanity and my family (Guilt for being a waste of money and time)
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Oh friend, I’m so sorry that you were bullied. It makes me mad that such thing happen and keep happening. You didn’t deserve any of it. It was the result of those people’s hatred, decisions, behaviors. Never the reflection of who you are.
It makes sense to feel like you’ve lost hope in humanity. When you experience first hand examples of violence and what people can do to other people, it makes our world a place that feels very unsafe. You know, I feel the same a lot of the time. I was hurt by others too during my life, starting at a very young age. I had lost faith in humanity in the past. Deep inside I believed that there is beauty out there, but I didn’t seem to be allowed to see it. It’s only since I’ve started to live with my partner, meet new people and also being in this community, that I’ve regained some hope. Here for example, I’ve witnessed what beautiful things people can do when they create the right environment: being compassionate, kind, supportive, loving and caring.
There is beauty in this world my friend. There really is. But for some of us, the journey to see it is full of hardships and times when we feel very defeated. I’d like to encourage you not to give up on yourself because of this tough. That would be the most cruel injustice possible. How you feel makes sense, 100%. But you don’t deserve any harm. This violence that you endured doesn’t need to be turned against yourself. If I could just convey the force of what I’m saying right now I’d give you a giant hug. My only wish for you is that you give yourself the time, support and opportunity to see that, out there, there is a lot of beauty that makes being alive worth it.
It’s so hard to feel like a waste of money, time, or space… just that we don’t belong and our existence would be pointless. Somehow, that’s how we feel when people show hatred and violence against us. We can’t help but internalizing the pain and feeling like the problem would be us, the very fact that we exist. But that’s not true. The problem is the existence of bullying and any other kind of abuse. No one deserves to feel like they don’t have the right to exist.
You are here, friend. You are alive, and not just breathing or functioning, but you are full of life. This world could only be worse without you.
How is your relationship with your family? Do you think your parents could understand how you feel and what’s going on if you tried to reach out to them?
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Can you delete my account please. Like off the internet.
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