I am shaking as I’m writing this. I haven’t been in this position never.
Lately I can’t stop thinking about killing myself or stoping this stupid life of mine.
I have a chronic disease and I swear I have been putting all my effort on good thoughts. Praying, etc. But I can’t do it anymore.
I have chronic pain in my joints and is something horrible.
Lately the pain is greater and I can do nothing.
And also I don’t feel worthy of anything. I am in a kind of relationship with a guy that makes me feel like I am intense and just a pain in the ass.
My family isn’t having the best time with me either and I don’t think I believe in God anymore. I mean I do but I kind of resent him.
But mostly is like I don’t want to live anymore like this.
Thank you for reaching out to us here, we’re glad you feel safe enough and trust us enough to do so, I appreciate it, and I appreciate you for the courage it takes to post here.
Are you under medical care for treatment of the pain?
Are you safe right now? Do you need to go to a hospital and ask them for assistance?
Relationships should never having us feel worthless and a burden.
I can tell you that you have worth, that you have value. There is something amazing and wonderful you have t o contribute to the world.
Can you go outside for a walk? Play a game? Paint or draw? Cook or garden? Anything that your pain allows that could take up your mental energies, and use concentration?
I am so pleased you got to speak to your Dr and I am glad you are feeling a bit better. I wanted to respond because 2 of my family members live with chronic joint pain and I see the affect it has on them and its so very hard, a lot of the thoughts that you put in your post I hear from them often and I get it, when you see the struggle I get it. Obviously I do not know what, that chronic pain is like and I would never pretend to know but I think when you see the faces of the people you love in pain you get some understanding and I am so so sorry that you are having to live with this.
Its hard also when the person you are with doesn’t fully understand what you are living with on a daily basis and can’t, because they are not experiencing that pain. but that does not mean they cannot be supportive and kind.
I wonder if it might be an idea for you to go to see a therapist to talk about how you are feeling, coping strategies for when you become overwhelmed and maybe even in time bring your partner in so you can discuss what you need from him, your Doctor should be able to give you some numbers for that.
Ultimately I would love for you to have a little peace and some more support. I do not want you to continue to do this feeling alone. As the other wonderful people here have said, you can post here any time. We are now a group of friends to you and here for you.