Can’t get a break from my mom

I really have given up with my mom. She will find anything that brings me joy or comfort and will just make me feel so awful about it. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong to her or what I’ve done to hurt her, but she really does hate me. She’ll turn a great day into a huge fight over literally nothing, just so she can have her time to see me upset and tear me down. She will find my biggest insecurity or my biggest struggle and just use it to destroy me. It just feels like I don’t even have a mother anymore, I don’t really think of her as my mother, as bad as that sounds. I do everything my dad told me to do in those types of situations where she is trying to fight with me, just stay calm and try not to argue with her. I just stand there and take all the hate in, absorb it and try to convince myself that what she’s saying doesn’t reflect who I am. What more can I do? What do I need to do to have an actual mother? Give in to what she says and just go along with all of the hurtful words she throws at me? Agree with her when she calls me useless? I’m not surprised at her behavior, I’m just done with it all, I guess. I know in my heart that I’ve done nothing wrong to her and I know that this is a problem having to do with herself. I have been nothing but helpful and loving towards her even when she threatened to kick me out. Even when she made me feel unsafe at home, when she continues to manipulate and gaslight me, when she loses her temper and calls me every name in the book. I’m always there for her. All I get in return is her hurtful words and comments that she calls “honest words”. To hear your mom tear down your favorite thing, hobby, or just yourself in general, call you such awful things and make you feel like scum on earth and get mad at you for crying then end it all with “those are just my honest words” sucks a lot. It really does make you wonder what you did to deserve that and all I can do is wonder what it was that made her decide to hate me

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I have these moments unlike you I am no better sometimes so I let a lot go because of the simple fact we both are not perfect and I am no better again. I dont even know how to bring this God but to keep checking me first and tell him how her words hurt. Because she just called me something that I thought she wouldn’t ever say. She tried to argue it but I didnt even bother because I was still mad with about the thing we fought about. I know I was wrong somewhere I think but all I know is I just disagreed today. So really got to sit with him. Yea sorry to ramble but you cant change your mother let it go. Just show them Jesus and if you dont know you should get to know him, he helps with all especially daughter and mom relationships. Hope everything works out.

Sweet friend, I’m so sorry. Your mom behavior and her hurtful words are not fair. You don’t deserve that.

I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong to her or what I’ve done to hurt her, but she really does hate me.

Obviously I don’t know your mom, but I doubt this is truly about you. She sounds to be carrying some pain and she keeps expressing it the wrongest way possible: through hatred, rejection, abuse. She talks about “honest words” when it’s certainly only about what makes her comfortable and safe, for whatever reasons. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

I understand why you’re asking this though. And you’re doing the right thing by keeping in mind that what she says about you is not true. But I also hear your exhaustion… so much. I was in a similar position years ago, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll manage to get out of this as soon as possible.

I don’t know why parents can be harmful like this. They’re supposed to love their children unconditionally, not to push them to wonder if they’re even worthy of love. Sure, they’re only human after all. But that doesn’t make any behavior justified. You deserve to be respected, and first by the people you’re living with. It’s totally natural to expect to be shown that you are loved by your own mom. And the questions you ask really hit home. My own mom is far from being a role model. She created a lot of pain around her because of her violent behavior. It’s been easier since I’m not living with them anymore and am on my own. Well, easier maybe is not the right word, but it’s different. Respect has been more and more present. So I don’t know what are your projects for the future, but I hope that the day you’ll take some distance with her at least physically, it will be safer as well.

You are such a beautiful person. Despite what your mom could say, despite her struggles, please don’t lose sight of this wonderful spark that’s in your heart. If you ever need to discuss, you know you can always DM me.

You are so loved. :hrtlegolove:

I hate to need to be blunt, but you need to get away from (her) negativity, criticism and toxicity