I strive to live a life for God and during the day it’s all good, I try my best and know my boundaries but when it gets later in the day I have temptations of lust and of drug and alcohol use. I keep on giving in. I feel so unworthy, I don’t deserve love. I feel alone because I work for the church and I feel I’ll be judged and let go if I say anything. This isn’t me! I want this season to be over. I have no one to go to.
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Hi friend,
You know, temptation is very common to everyone, even those who are Christians. You are not alone in that I promise. Firstly, let me tell you that you are NOT unworthy. You DO deserve love. Being human and having human urges doesn’t make you unlovable. It just means you have things to work on, like we all do. Every single one of us has flaws and habits that we need to face and work through.
I used to be really close to my pastor when I was younger and when I would struggle I would go to him. He would pray with me and offer me guidance. He did NOT judge me for what I was going through. I know different churches and religions handle things differently but maybe you could talk to a pastor in private and just share some of your heart and ask them for some guidance. Ask them to pray with you and ask for advice on how you can work through these thoughts and feelings you have. Tell them your fears. And let them know you really want to work on it and just need some guidance.
It IS okay to reach out for help and guidance my friend. I believe you. I can see you have a passion to fight to be better and improve. Don’t be afraid to reach out friend. Sincerely.
Or is there someone else in the church that you trust that you can talk to for advice? Even people who work on church staff have flaws, my friend. They are no different. I promise you.
Sometimes a christian therapist can help. Maybe your pastor or someone in your church has some connections to some christian therapist that you can connect to. This could also be a healthy way to talk about your struggles. Then you don’t have to talk to anyone inside of the church about it if you don’t want to. It can be discussed in confidence in a private setting.
You are lovable. You are valuable. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your struggles matter. You are important. Okay? None of this makes you not.
Thinking of you.
- Kitty