I’m at a point where all my alone time is spent thinking about ending my life. My brain hurts so much and I can’t shut it off anymore. I literally feel like I have no reason to wake up anymore other than going to a job I despise for a paycheck my wife wants. My wife doesn’t even communicate with me anymore. I just don’t want to exist anymore. I’m tired. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Thank you for sharing and being here. It takes courage to do that and I’m glad you managed to come here and write this despite what you’re going through.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now and dealing with such difficult thoughts. It’s really painful to feel like this. You are not alone, my friend. I know how this kind of thought can be overwhelming over time. Yet it is not meant to last. And deep inside you know that. It’s related to what’s bothering you in your life, what’s frustrating or hurting you. You want to exist, but in better conditions, in a more positive environment. As you mentioned it, present hardships implies the situation with your wife and your current job. So there’s definitely something to work on. And somehow you already identified what can be part of your struggles.
I don’t know if you’re seeking for therapy, but I’d like to encourage you to think about it. It can be of great help when you struggle with suicidal thoughts. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many people here in this community can relate to your feelings, including me. A lot of people deal with this sometimes. Being here and talking about what’s going on in your mind is a first step, and a huge one.
You’re not stuck right now, and it’s okay to rely on others when we struggle.
I’d like to mention that there are some resources here on HS that may be helpful for you, if you want to check on that: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Also, do not hesitate to join us on Discord https://discordapp.com/heartsupport so we can help you to fight against that feeling of being isolated. You’re not alone. You matter. You are loved.