I can’t tell the difference between reality or fiction. I went out my meds without my doctor permission. It affects my sex drive, I don’t want to be a virgin for life, because women already think me less attractive.
I don’t what best for myself, therapist said take more meds, parent said just believe in god and do what we say. I don’t fucking know anymore, I have gone insane again, violence thought enter my head.
The women I love, just want to use me. They don’t give a shit about me and they all just leave. Even thou love those bitches, I don’t why I love them, they just push me off a cliff and not think twice about it. So I guess I’m fucking loser that no self respect.
Then the people that love me , want to control me. My parent want to pick a nice Christian woman. Control what meds I take and what to do with my life. Tell what to think and be a nice conservative guy. That follow god and Jesus.
No matter whatever my parent or whores, they all just control me. I have no fucking say in anything. I rather be fucking alone. A man choose, a slave obey, I tired of being the fucking slave.
First of all, thank you so much for reaching out. It’s clear to see your going through a tough time and dealing with some challenging thoughts and emotions. It’s 100% understandable if you’re feeling slightly overwhelmed and confused about everything that’s happening. You are not alone in this! There are lots of people who care about you.
I would strongly encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional. They will give you assistance and tools to help you deal with and navigate the difficult thoughts and emotions. You should always follow professional advice when it comes to medication and such like.
It’s okay to feel concerned about relationships and your sex drive. These concerns are totally valid - but your mental health and well-being is much more important right now. Your worth as a person doesn’t depend on sexual experiences or relationships. Before you love others, it’s important that you love yourself first - that should be your number one priority at the minute.
Being open and honest with your parents when communicating is so important. Parents often have tough expectations for us, that don’t match where we want to go with our lives. You are entitled to have your own beliefs and values too, and it’s important that your parents know this. You do deserve to make choices that allign with which direction of travel your life appears to be on.
I hear you when you say you feel like you’re loosing control. This feeling is incredibly difficult. However, getting help from professionals, and being more open with loved ones is an important step to help you regain the control over your life you once had. It’s important that you’re able to discuss your thoughts in a safe way.
A better future and some hope is possible. Please lean on those around you to help you through this difficult patch. You are not alone!
Thinking of you today and hoping that you are safe at the moment. It must have been really heavy for you to feel like people are constantly trying to control you or telling you how to live your life. It’s awful when we are constantly put into a specific box and not knowing where to go next. Your heart craves for freedom and just a freaking break from everything - which is completely understandable. It also makes sense to struggle w/ your meds and with how challenging it’s been - on both sides of it. Either by taking them or by stopping them. It must feel like there’s no right choice ultimately - I hear your frustration about it. Although I hope that you’d make sure to re-connect with your doctor about it, just because they can bring us some important perspective when it comes to dealing with side effects after stopping them. It is challenging at times to feel and think clearly when on top of everything else you have to deal with your body and brain adjusting to that kind of change.
