Can I be done with today?
Can today be over and can I start fresh?
Can today be gone and never come back?
Truth is, I can’t take the fall and I can’t take the pain, I just pretend like I can and it is breaking me apart.
I socialized today, a lot, and I did it because I love them, but boy it was a challenge.
I’m a good pretender, that helps…
I was sitting in a room full of people, who I know well and love, but I felt so alone and unwanted. I felt like I don’t belong and like I was misplaced.
I just wanted to leave, but I didn’t want the birthday boy to be mad at me.
I know it was t healthy to stay this long, but I can’t change that anymore.
I got to my car and felt totally unable to drive, but I had to get home, as fast as possible, and somehow I did.
I just felt like, and still feel like, crying, but I just can’t cry and it makes me want to cry even more.
I feel so done and so out of everything.
In the end i didn’t feel like I am part of anything, like I’m even not part of my own body and like I’m just watching from far away and can’t stop myself from doing what I did.
I’m just so glad that today is over and will never happen again.
I’ll never have to do today again!
I feel that man, it hard to go through shit man. Even when we in a room full of people, I feel we are all alone at times. But remember you not alone and they we all in this together!
I read the different posts you published during last few days.
Socializing is indeed exhausting, especially if you’re an introvert. It takes energy, focus, getting involved in ongoing discussions. And even without that, after spending a day full of meetings and discussions, we can have a counter-blow and feel sad. That’s okay. You have the right to rest. And you’ve made a major effort today.
Even if you didn’t feel like you were part of it, being surrounded by other people and having a moment with them will have provided you with something. Staying surrounded by those we love and who loves us remains important. It’s part of life and part of what can make us feel that we’re all human beings.
However, there’s a question of balance that remains unsolved for you, for the moment. A balance between your needs, your abilities, your limits and your relationships. You said you know how to pretend, like how to wear a mask during social interactions and so no one really know about your struggles. But also that doing this is deeply exhausting.
May I ask why you feel the need to push yourself to wear this mask?
In any case, I already thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. It means a lot.
You are not alone, here in this community. I see you, and I’m sending much love your way.
I feel the need to wear a mask to not bother everyone else. If I don’t they will ask what’s wrong and I don’t want to tell then and I don’t want them to worry.
If I don’t pretend like I’m enjoying it, I know they will think it’s because I don’t like them.
Oh man. I can relate. I hate the feeling of being in a group at a party or event. Feeling so out of place. Just wishing I could be having a good time like everyone else. But just wanting to curl up in a ball and cry or run out the door.
