Can't die quite yet

I am at the end of my rope. I’ve tried overdosing, cars, more drinking, slashing my wrists.
I’m a mess. I want to die. I want to pass on. I don’t want to live. I just want to die. I don’t want to be here. I fucking hate this place. I just want an escape from here. Not to another house or anything but to die. I just want to die so bad. I dream about ir. I want burn and die. Only death can keep me happy.

Grass is always greener on the other side. Cliche yet the words never ring so truer. We delude ourselves thinking they have it better or it is better over there.

Yet so far we have been disappointed. I understand. You expect it is better then you finally get it. It is like “okay, not too bad.” You’re disappointed. Seems like a waste of time. This is what life hands us.

So with life as it is, Death must be better. Right? What is to say when you die that you get what you hope? I mean everything in life is disappointing. So Death has to be better. Nope. I do not believe it. You know why? Experience. I believe there are dead people thinking “wow, this sucks.” It happens now with people that are alive. People are saying “wow, this sucks.”

Maybe it is pessimistic. I’m just saying that dying won’t solve the problem. The evidence when people commit suicide is they leave more problems in their wake that now others have to solve or it remains unresolved. Dying never solved anything.

Be strong.