Hey, I’m honestly not fat… but there is this constant need to burn weight. I’m 5’6 and 112 lbs and that isn’t much. My friends call me thin all the time but there is a problem. Every time i get into a huge fight with someone i love and i feel guilty, i starve myself in order to make me feel the guilt. I’ve lost weight this year a lot, i used to be 123 lbs. I feel like i am going to develop an eating disorder if i don’t do something soon. i can’t get myself to talk to anyone and idk what am i to do. During quarantine while everyone is munching, I am starving myself. I can’t eat more than one bare meal a day. I’m scared I might starve to death…
I’m so sorry you’re hurting with this. Of course we feel guilty when we argue with the people we love, that’s normal. We don’t want to hurt anyone and we feel awful when we do. Have you tried talking to your loved ones about these feelings? Sitting down with them and explaining that you feel guilty shows them you do care and they would appreciate your sincerity and honesty with them. You say you starve yourself in order to feel the guilt. Is there a part of you that feels you need to punish yourself because you had an argument with them? No matter how much we love someone, arguments are common and normal. We have good days and bad days, but we do our best to have open and honest conversations to resolve those conflicts, learn from them, and move forward together. It’s okay to be scared to talk about this. It’s a scary thing to be vulnerable with others and say, hey I need help. In spite of that fear, we do our best to share and talk about it and then we find there are others that have gone through similar experiences or understand those feelings because they have had them too and it helps us to feel a little less alone. I understand it’s hard to talk with anyone about this, but you did share with us and that’s a brave and good step. If there is someone in your family or among your friends you can talk to about this, you can talk to them about it openly and honestly. It may be challenging at first, but take your time and you can do it. The people who love you and care about you will understand, they will be supportive, and they will help you. There are also professionals that can help you and guide you to making healthy informed choices about food and encouraging you. You can do this. You’re not alone. <3
I’m really sorry that you are struggling with these feelings and like you need to starve yourself. But I think it is so incredibly strong and courageous of you to come forward and talk about it. I know that isn’t always an easy thing to do.
I kind of want to echo MotherGamer here.
I think talking about this with those you are close to is really important. And especially important that you know that you do not have to punish yourself as hard as you are. You do not have to be perfect all of the time. You are deserving of love, grace, patience, understanding and to be heard. Be patient with yourself friend.
It is okay to give yourself a little grace.
I’m going to leave you a couple links, okay? And you can kinda check these out on your own time. There are some exercises here that I encourage you to do. Whether you do it privately or here on the wall.
There is a master list here:
Maybe something here can be of help to you. I encourage you to read through this list and click on the ones that best fit with what you are going through and how you are feeling.
Friend know that you don’t have to battle these things alone. You matter. We care. We are here for you. Sending you lots of love.
Edit: Also, if you are not already in our discord, you are welcome to join our community. There are links to all kinds of resources there, as well as live notifications to when the Heart Support staff go live! Where you can come hang out in a live chat and interact with the community and staff. Or you can just lurk and get a feel of things if that’s easier. Whatever works for you. Know you are welcome.
Thank you so much to both of you It will take time but i will surely reach out to someone… This really means a lot to me… Made my day reading these…
this post relates to me . im 5’6 ish and im between 103-109 pounds i would eat so little but will still eat. just know your not alone we love you!
You aren’t alone either take care