Can't handle feeling unwanted and unloved

I can’t handle being alone and by myself I always feel like a freak and a loser, I constantly feel ugly and unattractive I feel like no woman will ever want me and I will have to die alone.


Hi @lonelyfreak

I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone and down on yourself. That really sucks. I struggle with chronic feelings of emptiness and it can get pretty distressing for me, so I can imagine you feel similar. When I went thru my therapy program they told me that it takes therapy to be able to be comfortable being alone with myself. That I needed to strengthen my identity (not sure how to do that yet) and have a purpose. Those are hard things to get when you don’t feel worthy, but I’m working on it.

I know that I feel lonely the most at night, like right now. Are you still talking to your friend who got in touch with you recently? Are you able to chat with them? Do you have any plans to meet up with them?

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No they stopped calling all of a sudden and we haven’t really made anymore plans aside from wanting to meet up.

Can you contact them? Maybe they have just been busy.

I guess I can try I usually assume when I don’t hear from someone that they don’t want to talk to me.

Sometimes I think that too, but usually the person has a valid excuse that has nothing to do with me. All I had to do was reach out. I bet if you sent them a little text or DM and said hey, hope you’re having a good day or what’s up, or something like that, they would appreciate that. It might even make them feel good to know that you’re thinking about them.

I understand exactly how you feel. It can become very overwhelming, especially when the best tonics for that kind of pain are acceptance and companionship (even simply in a friendly social setting). And the more time you spend alone, the more time you live in your own head…which makes these feelings stronger.

I’m trying to proceed with this delicate balancing act: “I have to live accepting that I may spend the rest of my life alone, but leaving open the possibility that magic may happen.”

In other words, if you can accept your circumstances (which isn’t easy) you at least move on with life and with each new day or new experience there is hope.

I also take solace in my late father’s attitude: a decent meal, decent book, decent movie, or decent music is better than the alternative. So I turn to things like that to fill my mind and heart while I’m unable to find a personal connection.

After six years of near solitude, it’s still hard. I haven’t had a HUG from anyone in six years. But I get through each day.

If it helps, know you are not alone. You’re not the only one who feels this way. Just fight to remind yourself to leave open the possibility of being wrong about yourself, and wrong about someone’s ability to find in you what they want.

I can’t do it I can’t except this kind of life I can’t except being alone.

Unfortunately not being alone - in terms of a relationship - is something you only have partial control over. In the meantime, widening your social circle the best you can is the best option. Use Meetup to join groups that are interested in things you are interested in. Volunteer somewhere - if you like animals, find a rescue group to volunteer with, or the local shelter. If you’re religious, find a place of worship that you believe in. All of these are good places to meet people, and even if you don’t meet YOUR person, you may meet someone who eventually introduces you to YOUR person.

Well I guess I’m screwed then and I should just end things instead keeping this facade up.

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