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Can't hold on anymore

I’m lost. Im sitting in front of a hangmans noose that I made. My wife hates me because I was sexually assulted. She blames me… I blame me. If i was stronger it wouldnt of happened. I have my children that I love but I cant hold on any longer. Everyday I blame myself for my wife being hurt by it. I hate me. I cant take it. I feel like my family would be better off if I disappear. Everyday that goes by the urge to fall to this noose increase. Nothing I can do will stop it. I have ruined my life and now there is nothing left for me. Why try…

You Are Loved My Friend. :love_you_gesture:
Please Don’t Hurt Yourself.

@Shadows_Embrace, I know she’s your wife, but she’s wrong. Completely wrong. Assault isn’t a choice. How can she blame you? Thats like blaming someone for being robbed. It’s not like you went out and had an affair. This was against your will, and it is not your fault.
I fear every day I walk out the door, what if I’m kidnapped? Jumped? I’m small and weak.
If you were stronger… but you weren’t, and that’s okay. You can’t expect yourself to be the strongest person within 10 miles. There’s always going to be someone stronger. You’re not God, and it’s okay. You and I, we’re human.
It’s not your fault. Believe me, it’s not.
Your children need you, more than you know. You can’t leave them. I’m sure you still have things to teach them. Don’t you want to watch them get married, grow up, achieve goal after goal?
Please. Please don’t let this incident ruin your life, your future.
Post on here 5, 10, 20 times a day if you want, when you want. You don’t have to go through this alone friend.

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I look back and there is so many things that I could of done but all I did was freeze and accept it. My wife is angry that I didn’t tell her. Angry that i didnt do something, angry that it could of been prevented. She doesnt see the pain I suffer because I dont want another fight. I dont want to feel this way everyday. But all i feel is pain. She wants to leave me. She wants to take the kids. I’m fighting for her love and its all a means to an end. My kid would be better of with her someone that can always be strong and never faulter like i do.

Don’t look back. What happened happened and there’s nothing you can do to change it. I know it’s not hard not to look back because what happened caused all these problems and you blame yourself, but looking back will do nothing. You can look, but not do anything. Focus on the now.