I am really struggling with depression today. I feel so unmotivated to do anything at all and feel stuck. I keep trying to take a nap but can’t sleep. I am so bone weary tired that doing anything is hard. Yet my mind keeps telling me that I’m a failure and need to be using this time to recharge and get my fire back. Its only my second day not working and having all day to myself and it’s just hard. It’s hard because I’m so restless and discontent with where im at yet I’m not even trying to find a job because I doubt myself so much and my anxiety has been so bad. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this week. Nothing interests me right now and I keep making all these excuses not to do anything so I feel like I deserve to be in this place because I’m not putting in the effort. Doesnt help that I can’t leave the house the next few days because I’m waiting for a package that needs a signature. Sorry I’m not being very positive just so tired and worn out.
Its okay not to be positive sometimes. You are allowed. Depression isn’t easy!!! I felt every word you wrote and I understand. When that package comes go for a walk or drive somewhere and listen to the calm sounds around you. You are valid in everything you feel. Just know no matter what you have people here to support you <3 Sending my love
Man, I can’t tell you how often I feel the same way. I am constantly thinking and wanting to make progress in any way I can, but I find myself often very unmotivated to actually start on anything or really push for some of the changes I want to make. I also have trouble sleeping or just focusing in general because I get so stuck in my own head. I end up having to put something on netflix to go to sleep just so I can stop the thoughts in my head from keeping me awake.
I haven’t really found a good answer yet, but I’m working on it. What I have found helps me is to go on walks and to start writing things down even if you are just going to throw away the pages. When I’m on a walk or something like that I don’t feel so restless because I’m doing something.
I also recently was looking for jobs are feeling so, so stuck and tied down by my last job. I really just wanted to give up, it was overwhelming. I escape into youtube, netflix, or some other thing to keep me from having to think about it. At the end of the day, I decided to make a change and continue to look and look for jobs with the hope that there was something better that I could enjoy out there. I was not feeling good about it, I have a very specific skillset and the job market is very niche, but I kept applying and applying. There were some that I thought were silly to apply to, but fuck it, worst thing that could happen is you hear a “no” or if they want to offer the job and you dont want it you can also turn it down. I would encourage you to just look all around and see what there is out there for you. Apply to things that may seem out of reach, you may put less value on yourself than you are truly worth. I know I did.
Thank you for responding. Sorry you are struggling with similar things right now. It really is hard. Really hope you can find a job that is a right fit. I think I let fear and doubt hold me back. I hate change and starting over at a job seems overwelming. I’m so scared I’ll repeat the same cycle of things becoming too hard or being 6reated poorly to quitting. I get so scared things won’t work out that I get overwhelmed and hold myself back. My biggest fear right now I’m is I’m so physical and emotionally tired I don’t know if I can handle working or have the energy to be fake and have it together. Yet staying home is almost worst because I get in my head more and than sink into negative thoughts and behaviors. I might apply for a coffee shop tomorrow. The sad thing is part of me wants to just settle and go back to my old job even just part time or just get any job even if Im settling. Really just need to figure out who I am and what I want. Find a way to get motivated some how. Just feel so stuck it sucks.
The hardest part is figuring out if you’ve been holding yourself back from something. I was considering changing career paths entirely, doing something 100% percent different. I think we are also similar in the sense that we struggle with our worth and value - that fear and doubt can be crippling. Even though I was often praised at my last job, I felt as thought I was not good enough because I have my own set of standards that I want to live up to and I also compare myself to others in my field, many of which have years and years of experience that I dont. I’m not saying it makes sense or it’s healthy, but it’s what I ended up doing to dig myself in that same kind of hole. I was also super fucking tired and emotionally worn out - I was at a low point which I had never experienced. I would often think about how I wish I could get hit by a bus or something, or that God would just end my life on earth in some way. I would never do it myself, I could never give up on my family, but I would have welcomed death if it had been my time.
Anyway, I actually watched a lot of TED talks and stuff on youtube about looking for a job that is good for you, those helped a lot because they help you figure out what is important to you in a job. If you are interested in a coffee shop job, maybe that’s just what you need. Something simple, something where you can interact with people if that is important to you.
No matter what you decide, it’s really good to just think about things and see if they are interesting to you. I would think about this as an opportunity to pick a new path, or maybe even start down a similar path but with a renewed vision for what your goals are.
Sorry if I’m turning this into just talking about myself, I’m not that great of a writer - just trying to get the point across.
I might say that this was me at the same time last year. Currently I have been working at a job that I love since January and I never would have thought I could enjoy my job as much as I do now. When I was in the middle of this last year, feeling like you feel now, it was so fucking hard to see myself on the other side of it. I was feeling existential dread, and that can honestly just blind you and keep you on a dark path.
My wife was the largest support I had, and she always listened to me, and she always let me cope without nagging at me. I am super lucky to have her.
Honestly, everything you said is what I needed to hear, what I’ve been feeling a going through. It gives me perspective and helps me know one I’m not alone and two that things can get better. I don’t talk about it alot but I’ve been having those thoughts alot also but I couldn’t do that to my family and I know I don’t really want to die I just want a break. I’ve been at war with my mind for a few months and it’s been one thing after another. I keep trying to remind myself it’s okay that I don’t know whats next, it’s okay to feel this weight despite making the right choice of quitting my job without having another one. Even though I cant see it now maybe I need to heal somethings that it looks different but it’s possible to get through. Just have to keep clinging to faith and reaching out. Thank you
I’m glad my input could help a little. I’m actually thinking about getting tested for ADD or ADHD to see if maybe that could be part of the equation.
Talking about it definitely helps. You may not get an answer or something super direct but just thinking through it can definitely get thoughts flowing which is way better than stewing in a circular thought pattern.
I relate to “at war with my mind” so much. Sometimes I wish I was not this way, I wish I was simpler, but this is who I am and the sooner I can start figuring that out the better off I will be - I think