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This user answered the question: Is there something you are putting off that will help you?
Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/42570
Change is really hard, there is really a truth to old habits die hard. Both mental loopholes and outside habits/behaviour. Small steps and one day at a time is one step forward, like for example brushing your teeth every morning when depressed and not feeling like it. It’s okey to fall back and slip in to old habits when trying to change, everyone does, never beat yourself up over that. It have happened to me many times but every time it does i know how to avoid it the next time if im in the same situation again.
I dont know how many times i have tried to quit smoking, i know it’s bad for me but i know i can do it and change my habits around it, but damn it’s hard. The hardest thing is to not start smoking again once I’ve quit. it’s almost time for me to quit smoking again, but as for now thats on hold because i lost my father 3weeks ago, the day before it was 14 years ago i lost my mother.
Oh I’m so sorry that you are grieving the death of your father. It’s so hard when we lose a parent and to be in that place where both are gone can be truly hard and painful. Grief takes its own path and I totally understand that trying to quit smoking now is not even a possibility right now. Please grieve and process the loss of your dad. If you can tuck in close to family or friends through this, do it. I lost my dad a long, long time ago and my mom died 20 years ago. The thought of trying to quit smoking would even register on my brain during that time. It took a year before I could even think about quitting. And yes, it was the hardest thing I ever did. It took a complete mindset change and it wasn’t a smooth trip. I had to decide, like you’ve said, that having a day where you give in doesn’t mean failure. You just try again the next day. And keep trying and changing things you do and keep eliminating triggers each time you find one. I had to change my route to work, change what I did after eating, etc. But eventually I made it. You will find the way to quitting when you decide you are ready. Until then, grieve and find you again. Thank you for being here and sharing.
It makes sense to put this change on hold for now. It’s actually wise - you know when you are going to be particularly vulnerable, and when a change like this is going to add more struggle to the struggle itself. Changing habits is tough work, but knowing when it is a more appropriate time - in terms of increasing our changes of success in the long run, is definitely a good thing. And the fact that you are grieving and hurting is definitely a vulnerable time. You’re in the peak of it and it makes completely sense to not feel ready to initiate any radical change, regardless of as healthy they could be. It’s often encouraged to not make big decisions when we are mourning - the potential for it to add more trauma on top of the existing trauma is high. September right now is a month of remembrance and loss anniversaries to me, and it’s a time when I know I’m going to function at the bare minimum. Important life changes are definitely not part of it, but can wait the next month. In your situation you are listening to your heart, to your needs, and that is so commendable.
Ultimately, what can be particularly encouraging is to be as honest as possible with yourself when there is the temptation of saying “I’ll do it later”. Not to not take this thought for granted and simply moving on, but instead to pause and really answer to why. If the reasons behind are meant to prevent you from sabotaging yourself - like initiating a change during a particularly rough time - then that is truly a sign of support given to yourself. If it feels on the contrary like the answers are varied and stemming more out of fear of the change, then it can be worth digging more into those fears. Your intuition is strong, and in the end you know what is good for you or not. It is truly inspiring to see how willing you are to make this change but also to say “not now” in a way that respects your needs, that respects your heart. Everything at its own time. That’s absolutely okay.
Sending hugs your way and wishing peace to you in times to come. Take your time, breathe, feel all that needs to be felt. We believe in you here.
Thank you for the condolence, I’m still in the in between some days it feels unreal and some real, I think it will hit me after we bury the ashes. Sorrow and grief has it’s time and I’m flowing with the emotions and let them come and be one with them.
My father will always be a part of me, and October 2 I will do a tattoo in his honor, I already have one for my mother
With that said, we all need to learn to be nicer to ourselves, life isn’t smooth sailing all time and we all fall down sometimes, it’s part of being human. Me quiting smoking will come in time when the time is right to take on that challenge.