Church Hurt

Hey Everyone,

I just thought I’d write a little bit about what I’m going through and I hope to receive some encouragement and prayer if you don’t mind.

I’m currently a college senior about to graduate, but I feel so lost, but mainly just hurt.
Long story short, at the beginning of college I got involved with a campus ministry, and I joined because I felt like If I didn’t then I’d lose faith in Jesus. There was a pastor there that invited me to take place in a process called discipleship, and it turned out to be a horrible experience for me where I felt used, exposed, and reprimanded by this pastor. He was a pretty busy guy so I never really got to spend a lot of time with him, and felt even more awkward sharing super deep, and personal things with this guy who I barely knew. In the end, I felt super used, awkward, and depressed about being a part of this organization. I ended up stepping down from the leadership team and eventually stopped going to the organization. About a month ago, I felt like the Lord told me to confront this pastor about how I felt, and I ended up doing so, and even though I forgave him verbally, and apologized for my actions as well, I still feel so much anger. In all honesty, it’s made me debate whether or not the voice in my head/heart is the Lord or not and it’s in someways made me angry, but more so afraid of God.

I know this is a bit long and it probably lacks a few details for the story to fully make sense but the truth is, is that I’m hurting and Just want to feel joy inside of Jesus again. I’m attending a new Church, but honestly, every time I attend I’m petrified that the same thing will happen again.

If y’all don’t mind saying a prayer for me in this situation and for guidance for life after graduation, that would be so so appreciated. My name is Leland.

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Hey @LelandH,

Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts! I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough time at a particular church. I noticed your Preds shirt, and if you’re looking for a new church to check out in the area, I’d highly recommend checking out The Belonging. They’re the best thing since sliced bread. :slight_smile:

-Eric

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I’m sorry you went through all of that. I will be praying for you. I’ve been going to my church for 20 years (since I was 8) and I have felt this way before. When I first started going to my church they were still in the beginning and like most young kids mistakes were made and feelings were hurt and not taken into account. But, since then the church has grown not only in number but maturity as well. We all did. And the love of God flows through this place like I’ve never experienced before.

NO CHURCH IS PERFECT. We are human. We make mistakes. I’m all for searching for a home church. If I didn’t think I could grow my spirit here I wouldn’t still be here but God has called me here to do his work.

Find a church you can call home and have a family with. That’s what I refer to my friends at my church. They are my church Fam. They are true and trust worthy. That’s what I look for in a church. When you find it you will know. God will lead you in the right direction. Stay close to him in prayer and through the word. Don’t give up. I know in my heart. I hope this helps.

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I’ll pray for you, I promise.

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@LelandH

Hey man, this is a hard subject to talk about. Church has affect a lot in some way shape or form. However, God is still good. He does have plan for your life. Even if you don’t understand, His will be done. Invest in your healing. I hope you will become stronger. Thank you for sharing. You are blessed. Go and be a blessing.

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It sounds to me like your previous pastor is misguided by ego. I think he wanted you to be something of a protégé for him. First and foremost, a pastor should work from a place of unconditional love. Therefore, judgment, reprimands and exposure, is evidence that he is no longer representing the truth of God’s nature.

It’s good that you confronted this pastor, but I suspect his response was disappointing. You forgave him anyway, which is admirable. Forgiveness is more of a decision than a feeling, therefore, don’t be hard on yourself for still having anger. Some experiences will be upsetting when remembered. That’s because there is a level of brain that often doesn’t distinguish between what is remembered and what is happening in the present moment. Imagine nails on a chalkboard. Doesn’t that almost give you chills to think about? That’s because the brain “tries” to create the imagined experience as if it was happening in the present moment. Similarly, I would expect that remembering the upsetting experience with this pastor, could lead to feeling upset about it again.

God is the original source of unconditional love. He does not need to forgive, because He does not condemn. That issue was resolved a couple thousand years ago. Therefore, the last thing in the universe that you need to fear is God.

Churches involve people, some who are inspired and wise, others who can be judgmental hypocrites. Some people attend church, or even become church leaders for social or political advantage. Others are there to share love, gratitude and inspiration.

A lot of people either resent or are terrified of religion, as there is corruption in many of the organizations.

In order to keep from being petrified about what may happen to you, strengthen your personal relationship with the Creator. I believe that relationship is far more important than being part of a religious group. If you are comfortably grounded with your own awareness of truth, even if some church members behave badly, you will still be okay.

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Hey Everyone, Thank yall so much for your support! This is really humbling having everyone give me their advice. Thank yall so much once again for the replies!

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