College is my plan B, but nobody knows it

[Danz0830]

The last year has felt unreal. Last year I lost a friend, cousin, and my close grandmother. I am now in college but feel like nothing is real and the last few months have been a blur. What I have not told anyone about is how I actually want to pursue music and writing. I am in college for a degree not even related to music, which is why I call it my plan B. I honestly just feel like I don’t know who the fuck I have been and am. In all honesty I feel like this “plan-b” is starting to take the pursuit of my real dream away from me. I practice during the week for music but still feel like im not doing enough and seriously becoming a suicidal mess again. If anyone can relate or give some advice I would truly appreciate it.

Remember, im here for you, we’re all here for you. Peace, love, and cheers.

[nicole_kaley]

Hello, thanks so much for sharing how you feel. I understand what you’re going through and am so sorry you’re going through this frustrating, stressful time. I’m also very sorry you lost people that were close to you and I hope you’re healing okay and taking time for yourself
First of all, I’m glad you’ve figured this out now and have realized what you want to do. What year are you in? Is it too late to change your major? For me, I realized I wanted to go into Graphic Design and not Film when I was a Junior in college, in my semester, so obviously I couldn’t change lol my one regret is that I wish I would’ve switched sooner and gained more experience and knowledge earlier in my college career in the graphic design field, instead of waiting and seeing if Film would work out. Deep down, I knew that Film was not my best/first choice, kind of like how you are right now with your degree. I highly encourage and support you in talking to your counselor, music department professors and/or your parents about making this change. YOU WILL NOT REGRET DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. I promise. I know it’s scary making the change and a lot of people may not support you, but honestly…part of succeeding and finding your right path is a lot of people will not understand what you’re doing, which sucks, but its YOUR life. It’s YOUR decision and it effects YOUR future. Please please please be in pursuit of your dreams and don’t do what everyone else wants you to do. It took me 2 1/2-3 years of college to realize that, and I’m hoping this helps in any sort of way. I want to urge you to do what you love and not give a fuck about what anyone else says. I’ll say it again and again, it’s YOUR future and YOUR life. If this is what you want to do, I and everyone else here is in complete support of you. Please talk to your school counselor and reach out to music professors at the college. Even if you decide not to switch your major, could you add music as a minor and not a major? that way, you’re still learning about music and getting education and experience in that area? In my situation, I continued to take film classes but took a lot of graphic design classes once I had all of the required classes done, got a job as a graphic designer and taught myself. Also, please remember that we all go in different directions in life. You’re gonna have so many jobs in your life and will do so many different things, and a lot of times, people end up doing something completely different from what they majored in, which makes no sense, but it’s true haha I could tell you hundreds of stories and give you a list of people that I came into contact with who studied to be a doctor or technician, and ended up being a photographer or painter. It’s all about realizing what you actually want to do! I hope this wasn’t too repetitive or not helpful, I really do believe in you and sympathize with you. Please do post an update or reply back, I’d love to be here for you.

[SheetMetalHead]

First off, welcome to HeartSupport!

I went through something very similar. I got a full ride and had the perfect college resume, and I wanted to be an engineer, but deep down I didn’t want to go to college. I tried to put on a smile and have a positive attitude. I was killing it, right? Life was going well, so I had to be happy, right? I wasn’t though. The CliffNotes version is I did 3 semesters before I walked away from my full ride, thrived through an Associate’s degree that involved hands-on learning, and took a second attempt at my Bachelor Degree that lasted 2 years before I walked away to keep from falling apart.

I always believed engineering was my calling. I believed that I would be doomed to a life of unfulfillment because I couldn’t be an engineer without a bachelor degree, right? I got a drafting (technical drawing) job to at least be in the same arena as engineering. I asked questions, learned, and worked my way into mechanical design (creating parts based on engineering specs). I repeated the cycle, and now I am a proud design engineer.

My situation isn’t quite parallel with yours, but there are two things I’d like to impart from my experience. First, the path to success looks different for everyone, and it may not involve college. Ryan Kirby of Fit For a King wanted to make music, but went to college instead. He got depressed, wound up dropping out, and worked menial jobs with no sense of self-worth before he finally started pursuing music. Now he’s a professional metal vocalist. Second, if you don’t want to be there, don’t waste the time, money, and emotional well-being. A decade later, I recognize that my “failures” in college were just me being in the wrong situation, but the experience fundamentally reshaped me in ways more negative than positive. Don’t set yourself up to fail in a place where people say success is the only option. College will always be there when you’re ready. I took a semester when I was 29, and I’m toying with taking more classes in the next couple years.

If college is your Plan B, that makes it a fallback. If you put your fallback first, you put your safety net above you. Now, before you have a mortgage and a family, is the time to take chances and try “crazy” things. Not all families are supportive, and you might get pushback. I would encourage you to write out your thought and feelings and have an earnest discussion with your family about why college is not the best thing for you right now, if you do in fact want to put it on hold. Good luck, and keep us updated.

[DiscordReply]

From: ManekiNeko

welcome to HS! It’s so nice seeing new usernames and hearing the experiences and stories they bring.
I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you to lose so many people in a short period of time. It must really hit home how precious life is. It brings the perspective that pursuing something you love is so important.
have you taken time to process all the grief around you? Have you been able to talk through it with anyone? It takes a toll emotionally and mentally to heal from and to begin to move forward from.

I guess there’s a lot to take in and a lot to think about. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to pursue music and your passions. I’m hoping that if college is going to be your plan B that you have a chat with whoever you need to to find out what will happen with your credits if you need or want to come back. I do think it’ll take a lot of very hard work, but it’s not always impossible. Perhaps there are musicians locally you may know or see play and you could also ask them what it’s been like for them. Really get a sense of what you’ll be jumping into, and if it’s what you really want and are passionate about, you’ll make it work! Maybe sometimes it’ll get a bit hard, as life does, but at least you do have that fall back if you need it.

[Solemnis]

Hello there,
you have my condolences for your losses, I cannot even imagine to lose three people in one year, that is very hard to bear. I am so sorry.
I am all for following your dreams and do what you love, even when other people advice you against it. But I believe this is not a decision to be made lightly, especially in this situation. Grieving takes time and you should give yourself time to process everything. Even if you get impatient and want to change your life right now, you should make sure that you are in a good mental headspace to be able to make such an important decision. Maybe it would be helpful to get some information first, for example what would happen if you wanted to continue your studies later, could you start again where you left off or would you have to start at the beginning again? It might still be helpful to have learned something with which you could earn money later, if you hit a rough patch as a musician, or should in the worst case scenario you not succeed. Could you start to pursue writing and music while still continuing college, and doing both at the same time for a while? A good idea might be to reach out to other musicians who are in a similar, or were in a similar situation to get their insight and maybe benefit form their experiences.
I really hope you will be happy and can realise your dreams, I wish you all the best!