So I’m in an extremely low point in my life, I really can’t see things getting better and feel crippled everyday. However, an old online friend and I have recently been talking a little and I have so many things I want to tell her. We were best friends when I was 10-14, but we just stopped talking for awhile. No reason, just drifted apart. I don’t have many friends now, like I have maybe two, and I feel really happy that my friend is now talking to me even if it isn’t very much. I want to reconnect and be good friends again, and tell her how much she means to me because I was too emotionally immature during the time period we were friends and didn’t know how to tell her. I feel like if I do though, she won’t know what to say or won’t feel the same way and I’ll just be pushed aside. I’m really scared of being rejected and losing someone else. I’m also really scared of being myself now, when we were kids we’d play pretend and have basically no worries. She’s still the same, but here I am, depressed and suicidal. I don’t know how to have normal conversations because no one bothers to talk to me. I don’t know how to not push her away by being my sad self, so I’m trying to hide it and be my happy self to the best of my abilities, it’s just straining. I really hope our friendship works out, I guess I’m just nervous and feel like we’ll lose contact again or our texts will only be spurts here and there. I want to be friends to where we talk every day and can be honest and stuff. Just throwing some emotions out there haha thanks for reading!
When we are in the darkest moments in our life the hope or possibility of anything getting better seems fake. It feels like a dream, but I promise you that the night does not last forever. The sun will rise and you will be ok.
Your post really hit home to me because I went through a similar thing a few years ago. Except my friend was the one who needed to mature emotionally. But get this! I started really missing her and no joke she ended up taking the same class as me at this huge university! It was fate or God or whatever you believe. We started talking and we eventually hung out and we had this heart to heart conversation and we became friends again! I actually went to her wedding last summer.
While my experience ended up being really awesome, I would still ease back into this friendship. Take it slowly to make sure they are someone you want back in your life. And if they are someone that you trust talking to about your depression. You want friends who fill you up and not continually take from you. What I think you should do is maybe ask your friend if they would want to grab coffee sometime or whatever and try talking about things. Sometimes in situations like your la it’s best to just be honest and say, hey! I miss you! Let’s talk about things! That way you can see where they stand and if a friendship is possible. Then after some time when you know you can trust them open up about what you are going through. A true friend will love you and support you no matter what. I hope things go amazing with your old friend.
Thank you so much, you’re going to make me cry. I’m so happy things worked out for you.