Comparison-urgent

Hiii I am a female in my mid twenties.For now that is only identity as I feel I have not achieved anything else in my life.i am a thrice college drop out. Just now I have started my formal education again at this age.all my peers are significantly younger than me.i was not on social media.recently I joined it only to find out that all my exes have moved on ,became successful and are leading rich lives while I am struggling to even complete my graduation.i am unemployed and don’t see a hope for the future.i have had a string of failed relationships.i contemplated suicide innumerable times.just sharing my thoughts here feels like a relief.i need support.

3 Likes

Hey! Don’t think about your “rich” exes, the only thing that pays is work. Their rich lives may fall apart at any moment, but what you learn is for life. With your knowledge you will have a job that is much better than what you can get as a student, and much better paid. Social networks are important if you want to make yourself known, so instead of looking at how your exes manage their lives, look at how you can manage yours, there are plenty of accounts with inspiring, motivating sentences, others that teach you things that may or may not be useful. It’s your news feed that you can change, they’re out of your life, they’re out of your news feed.

There is no due date on life. You don’t have to be graduated by a certain age. Many people graduate fast only to discover they had studied or done something different with their life’s altogether. What is important is that you are studying something you care about! I personally had lots of anxiety about my education because I took a two year gap and spent the whole time feeling like I was “falling behind” but honestly some of my classmates are old enough to be my grandparents who are returning to compleat their education and they are just happy to be learning.

Also I wouldn’t look at it as a string of failed relationships. It’s just that those people weren’t the right person. Some people are lucky and meet that right person young (so jealous of them btw) but most of us it takes a while. No shame in that. It would be better to be single for a long waiting for the right person rather than being partnered up with the wrong person!

You are young and on track! Educating yourself and self aware. Nowhere to go but up!

1 Like

Hey @Blackfly,

It’s really hard sometimes not to compare ourselves to others. We certainly all do this, depending on what is meaningful to us. We also tend to compare ourselves more often when were struggling, when we’re feeling stuck or disappointed in our own life. It’s very natural. But this can be very destructive and lead you to some very dark thoughts. It’s not worth it. It doesn’t bring anything good to you. And it’s not fair to yourself. Because your exes are not you. They are different people, living a different life.

The only person you can compare yourself with is… yourself. So you can acknowledge the progress you made through the years. But also reflect on what isn’t satisfying to you right now. It’s okay to feel a bit lost. To feel disappointed. It doesn’t mean you are stuck though.

Being unemployed doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define your worth. I am unemployed too. And since I’ve been in this situation, at first I really felt like I was a failure, someone useless. Sometimes it’s hard to fight against this feeling of being a failure, as working holds a great importance in our life, in our society. But you and I are more than this. Being unemployed is a circumstance in your life, a temporary one. And who you are goes beyond this. And also… you said you have started formal education again? Isn’t that awesome? Others are younger, for sure, but you have your own life, experience, and what you are doing right now is something you can be proud of. It’s a very positive step. :hrtlegolove:

There are some exercises here on the Support Wall that could help you to reflect on yourself, on your life standards/expectations and what could be your next moves. Because, you know it deep inside: suicide is not a solution. I’ll leave you the links to those exercises. Feel free to have a look at it, to take a notebook and a pen and some time to think about all of this. It can be a way to take care of yourself and reflect on your own journey, without any judgment.

https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/it-feels-like-ill-never-get-better/14567

https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/feeling-like-theyre-so-much-better-than-me/14099

https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/why-suicide-makes-sense-and-why-you-still-shouldnt-do-it/14163

https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/gratitude-growth/14144

You are loved. You matter. Your life matters. You have a rich, vivid inner world. This world is yours, unique, and no one can replace it. You have a lot to offer to this world. Just because you are you. :hrtlegolove:

Here is a reminder in times you need it:

Hold fast. :hrtlegolove:

Hey friend,

Self comparison can be so dangerous. I know sometimes it can be hard to prevent ourselves from looking at places we used to share relationships with. Like exes. I’ve been there done that. But it’s never worth the hurt it can cause.

I use to struggle with this and would feel so small when I would see how successful my previous relationship was with someone prettier, skinnier, smarter and it made me feel like I wasn’t worth loving. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I saw how without me their life moved forward while I stood idle and stuck in place for one reason or the other.

It’s all dangerous. Because even if our life is not exactly where we want it to be right now, or just because it’s not in the same place as our loved ones or previous relationships, doesn’t mean we won’t get there.

Everyone in this life goes at their own unique pace. Some people move faster and others move slower. But neither pace is a make or break to your value as a person.

It’s important that we are only ever comparing ourselves to ourselves. Working on growing and improving where we want to and focusing on our own path.

Micro has shared a few exercises but I’m also going to post the Master list. I encourage you to look through these situations and pick the ones that most relate to how you are feeling and maybe try doing the exercises. Some of us have done them as well and shared them but you can do them privately if you want. But they are a good way to self reflect and remind ourselves of ways to overcome these challenges we are facing.

https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/master-list-next-steps-for-your-mental-health/14240

Friend, I pray for healing, comfort, resolve, strength and courage for you. As you work through these things. Know that you are loved and valued and we are here at any time to receive you as you are.

Being unemployed doesn’t take away from you being worthy of love or your value. You will get there. One step at a time. :hrtlegolove:

hey friend,
im so glad you reached out and trust us to write about what’s going on:)
it sounds like you’re going through a really frustrating time, and are feeling like you’ll never get out of this pit you feel stuck in. I wanna remind you that you aren’t alone and that you are a very strong and capable person. This pain will not be with you for your entire life. You deserve nothing but love, acceptance and encouragement and we’re here for you! I promise you that you will do great things, it just takes time. we’re always here for you :heart: