So much is going on in my life and it has me in a state of feeling like one moment I catch up and the next its back to that state.
This kind of all started back in March. Right as covid hit my area I was trying to help a friend (at the time) in need by being there for them and helping in ways of getting them funds by doing postmate deliveries with them. Well this friend took advantage of me in away that legit brought back so much crap. They didn’t listen when I said NO. They wouldn’t stop. I am waiting for a current friend of mine who also has experience with this friend to get back into the states next week to report them for the stuff they have done. I plan to file a police report for what they did. But I just cant handle stuff lately. Since that day I have moved to a new place yay to that. I have gotten the dog I had been working to get. I also got approavef for SSI which is income coming in. However yes all that is super super awesome but there is a crap ton that just keeps happening. First it was me being cyper bullied by someone local here in AZ. Than it was stress over money and other crap because the fear of loosing what i have is setting in so deeply. The fear of all my friends leaving. I had another friend randomly want to drop me as a friend for things they claimed I had done but I hadn’t. They were one of my closest friends and someone I truly trusted a lot and thought got me. It just feels like no matter what I do it ends up back at stuff going wrong. I can’t catch a break. My nightmares are horrible and keeping me up at night. I fear someone hurting my puppy because she is so important to me. I want her to have the best life possible but yet stuff just seems crazy. I have been trying not to go back to bad habits and trying to not choose a bad route but its just getting harder. With each turn i ask why not this one. Thankfully i have people reminding me that isnt an option but it is currently looking more and more like the best one.
But to be completely honest I am NOT OKAY. I tell those i live with that i am not okay and they go oh it will get better. They just also aren’t seeing how every day is a constant battle to not choose a path of destruction. So here I am on the struggle bus trying to handle it and juggle it all.
