Compulsive lying

I did something today that seems small, but makes me feel awful. I was talking to some people and spontaneously lied about not having a prom dress and not being sure about going to prom. Even though my sister helped me look for it while on her trip and paid for it and everything. I think I just lied because I wanted to feel like I actually had friends, I wanted to see if they would care. I feel awful because I lied for no good reason to well-meaning people and practically spit on my sister’s money, time, and effort when she loves me so much. Also, someone who wrecked up my family is also a compulsive/pathological liar and I hate so much that I may be one too. I don’t. I thought to come clean, or at least say I’m okay with going with the dress my sister ordered for me. I feel like a huge fraud. I hate myself.

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hi there
it sounds like you had a breakthrough moment of introspection. You clearly don’t want to be someone who lies like that other person, and you are feeling a lot of emotions from doing so.

Did u ‘spontaneously lie’ or did you use it as a means to see whether they cared or not? Can you remember how the thought process went? It’s not fair to lie to persons to set them up for a ‘test’, not like people do in some of those online videos. That kind of testing leads to a lot of hurt feelings sometimes.

Coming clean sounds like a way forward. If you find yourself slipping into this habit, then try apologizing soon after so that you don’t let the untruth sit and grow bigger and bigger and make more consequences for yourself. Thanks for sharing here, I hope it helps you to get it out and to share this incident with us. You matter and you’re loved.

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Hello there,

Thank you for allowing us here at HeartSupport to come alongside you and support you through this. That step can be quite daunting at times, and I am proud of you. We are all human. Humans make mistakes. You realized the error and that is amazing. Not many people do that with the assurance that you do. Thank you for being you.

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, bvblover16! Welcome back to the community :hrtlegolove:

Did you lie with malicious intent? I feel like that is important. Sometimes it is easy to lie accidentally and then roll with it or forget the truth but what matters is certainly why you lied and how you handle it afterwards. It was a small lie for sure but sometimes it is easy to feel even guiltier over small lies as opposed to big ones because you look back and wonder why you bothered lying in the first place. I’ve definitely felt that way before. I don’t know if you need to ‘come clean’ necessarily and say you lied but if you wanted to tell your friends that your sister helped you find a dress and about your excitement then they may want to celebrate with you that you have one. Just a thought there.

I think that the fact you feel guilty about the lie is a good sign even if it is a negative emotion because it shows that you care about being honest and you have a conscience which is always a good sign imo. I think you shouldn’t hate yourself but you should take this as a good lesson in trying to understand why you wanted to lie in the first place and use it to better understand yourself and how you interact with others. You are young and this is a great time of life to look inward and better understand who you are and who you are becoming/want to become.
Good luck, friend. I think you’ve got a good heart and will be okay :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, its good to meet you and I would love to start by saying that I dont think for a moment that by telling a small lie you are going to turn into a compulsive/pathalogical liat so please dont worry about that. So you were feeling insecure or had some self doubt and decided to find out if your friends really cared for you? I hope you found out what you needed to. I understand the need for clarification, I do understand what its like to need to hear from people that they do want to spend time with you and they do like and care about you, all of that is perfectly normal but lying to find out probably isnt the best way. Maybe next time you could just sit down and talk to your friend, I bet you, they have those moments too, I pretty much think everyone does sometimes. Ultimately no harm has been done and I think you feel pretty bad about telling that lie so you have learned from it. Put it in the past and move on now. all is good. Much Love Lisa x

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From: twixremix

hey friend,

it’s really good to hear from you, thank you for allowing us into your life to support you. while it does seem small to outside perspectives, i know how deep this situation hits you with your family member’s history of compulsive lying. moments like these, although it brings out a lot of negative emotions and feelings, allows us to reflect on ourselves and the changes we’d like to see in our own life. the next time you see that group of people that you shared the false info about your prom dress with, tell them the truth on how your sister recently helped you find a great dress and how you’re excited for prom! please know that this point in your life should be used for growth rather than weigh you down, causing you to miss out on these exciting moments coming up in your life. one of the great things about being a human is that we can change the trajectory of our lives so the power is in your hands to say, “no, i’m not going to let lies dictate my life. i will live truthfully and take more time to think before i say anything that could be a lie.” you got this, my friend, i believe in you!!

love,
twix

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From: Taladien

Hey Bvblover16,

Lies, even if they feel ‘spontaneous’, have a motive behind them. And it does seem like you are thinking and pondering on why you spoke that lie, which is a great start in unwinding the web that it leaves. The remorse you feel is a good sign that maybe dishonestly isn’t for you, even though it seemed to just be a little white lie. Getting to know your friends better, and where your relationship is with them, is not a bad thing to ponder on. But how you go about doing it is where the care should be given.

Please, don’t hate yourself for your mistakes. Your worth as a person is not defined by single points or actions. You Matter, and are loved. Though you made a poor choice in the past, you can still chose how to move forward. Being honest with your friends, in my opinion, is the best way to clear your mind and set things right.

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