Been recently super excited to go to my close friends wedding in a month or two but that suddenly changed recently. I sent in the RSVP with a +1 friend listed who is my partner that would like to go to the wedding as well. Got a long message of concern from the close friend and person they will be marrying that they still do not approve of my relationship with my +1 friend and there was a condition. Either expose myself to the world and come out as being in a same sex relationship before the wedding so i do not ruin their big wedding day or come solo without my partner. After receiving this message i am hurt, disappointed, and depressed that i was singled out for this and cannot share in their happiness with someone that cares about me and them. This is not a new relationship either with my partner since we have been together for a year almost and have met my partner multiple times and never expressed such feeling up till weeks before their wedding. I dont know what to do anymore since this message threw up so many flags for the wedding.


Hey there @blacklink13x

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling stuck around this decision! I think often when friendships start to get complicated, and we get caught up in all the nuances, we forget to take a step back and look at the situation face on. Basically what you’ve got here is two options:

  1. Come out prior to the wedding, and go with your partner.
  2. Don’t go with your partner.

That’s all this situation really boils down to, despite the nuances. If you look at those two options, outside of the context, which would you rather do?

As potentially a third option does your close friend know your partner? Could they individually invite your partner, thereby allowing them to be there not as your plus 1, but on their own volition? I’d assume this would come with a promise that you and your partner wouldn’t act like partners there, but this might be a way to meet them halfway.

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Of course there’s a lot I don’t know about the situation, but my impression is that your partner should be given priority. That may not be true if you and your partner in a casual, easy come easy go relationship, but if you really care for each other, accommodating each other’s feelings is even more important than attending the wedding.

You’re soon to be married friend might be concerned that appearing as a same-sex couple might lead to someone else making a scene. That’s unfortunate, but somewhat understandable. Still, going alone to the wedding would it all likelihood be hurtful to your partner.

If coming out before the wedding feels okay for the two of you, that may be the answer. If you don’t feel that it’s the right time to come out, then it’s probably better for you and your partner to find something else to do on that day.


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