I’m so lost. My personality feels as though it’s slipping away from me, I can barley smile or laugh or breathe. I can’t talk to my friends, they’ve left besides like two. I feel like I’m drifting from them when I don’t want to, I want to do everything I can to keep them close I’m so scared of losing everyone all over on repeat… my boyfriend and I have so many unfixed problems, everyday seems like a huge struggle between us because he has so many mental problems and although hes going to therapy it takes time. He makes everything into a huge deal, I feel like I can’t talk to my friends when he’s around because he’s so jealous of them. Making jabbing comments, like I told one of my friends that I loved them and he lashes out passive aggressively about it. Or just full on freaking out on me for doing nothing wrong. He searched through my phone twice without consent, and will try to read over my shoulder and always asks who I’m talking to. I’m constantly paranoid and panicky when I’m on my phone when he’s around, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I feel like I’m falling down everyday and can’t get back up. I just want to cry for years, I want to mend things with him but everything is just so hard. I want to work on myself and try to live without being in terror, I want to rebuild friendships. I just want everything to be how it should be. I’m so scared. I have no idea how to fix anything with anyone.
Hi Pikachu, thanks for sharing.
I’ve been in a similar position a few months ago. I’ve lost so many friends throughout my life that I didn’t even know how to trust anyone anymore. Most of my relationship have been toxic, and also my best friends used to do what your boyfriend is doing. What I honestly suggest, and that’s what I did, is to cry out all the tears you’re still keeping inside. Holding it back for too much is worse than crying out. Don’t feel weak if you do, that’s something we all do, even the strongest of us.
After freeing yourself from this emotional weight, start doing things one step at a time. Start concentrating more on yourself, what makes you happy, what makes you feel good…do the things you love doing, and stop doing the things that just put unecessary weight on your shoulders.
I know it’s hard, but don’t be afraid of losing people. Do everything possible to rebuild the broken relationships, and never stop loving people, even if they just walk away. For every friend you’re losing, a better one is just waiting for you to love you.
May Jesus send his biggest blessings to you. Feel free to get in touch if needed.
I love you,
pioggia ✘
@PikachuNerd thanks for posting, I’m so sorry you’re struggling… I’m glad your other half is going to therapy and getting help, but I think you need to speak to him personally about how this is affecting you. Make it a letter if you need to do it that way, but YOU ARE important too, and your mental health matters. If therapy is something that could be useful for you, maybe you could look into it too? You could have a look into Dwarf Planet - a workbook by HeartSupport that helps the reader to explore and understand depression etc a little more. You can get it on amazon, but if money is an issue you can get it free from the HS website. Remember to breathe, it’s okay to be afraid, but you shouldn’t let it rule your life.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Thank you so much!! Yeah, I’m debating therapy. Just not sure yet