Confused, Hurt and Lost after Narcissistic Relationships

I keep attracting narcissists and I feel so lost. They come in my life, get me to fall in love with them, hurt me and leave. A part of me feels like I will be in a never ending narcissistic abuse cycle with different men for the rest of my life. I know that I am a great person but I cannot seem to find anyone that loves me or even loves themself. People always ask how I am single, because I fit societiy’s beauty standards. Being pretty doesnt guarantee that you will find true love easily.

I dont want to settle for someone that doesnt love me but I feel like I have no choice. I dont want to spend the rest of my life alone. I really dont know what to do and its depressing. Anyone who has been with a narcissist knows how this feels. Its painful to get through, but imagine all of your relationships being with a narcisisst.

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Heya @PeaceandLove First and foremost, welcome to HeartSupport and thank you for writing!

I am so sorry that you keep attracting narcissists and you feel so lost! That definitley sucks and I’ll tell you right now, you deserve better.

You are stronger than you think friend.

Keep searching until you find the one right for you!

With Love
Ducky

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Hey @PeaceandLove,

Thank you so much for being here and sharing all of this. It sounds like you had your share of painful relationships, and I want you to know that it’s not your fault. Narcissistic people have a gift for manipulation, for seeing the vulnerability of someone and using it against them. We all have cracks, but some people feed themselves with it. They like to point out someone’s contradictions, faults, to put the guilt on them constantly. For some people, such as narcissists, it’s their way to exist. their behavior is on them, even if most of the time they’re not able to admit their own mistakes and see the hurt they create.

You may need to regain some strength after these relationships, you may also need to learn to see how valuable you are, but ultimately it’s not a “you” problem. We all have a part of vulnerability. Unfortunately some people are able to see it more quickly and to use it against us. Not everyone is going to hurt you though, but I’m sorry that it has been an ongoing situation in your life. If you’ve been in this situation multiple times, it’s more than understandable to feel like the story is going to repeat itself over and over. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Between hiding/staying single and giving in to a relationship that you know wouldn’t be healthy, there is another path, and I personally believe that it goes along with some inner work and reflection on your true value.

From your past experiences, there are things to learn. About yourself, about others too, about trust and relationships, about your value and the respect you deserve in any circumstance. If you feel like those past experiences are too painful and are holding you back, I’d strongly encourage you to see a therapist or a counselor. Not because there would be something wrong with you, but because that kind of experience can affect your self-confidence, overall the way you perceive yourself, and it would be damaging for you in the long run. In other words, if you feel like you keep attracting narcissists and are only made to be hurt, then this could become a self-fulfilling prophecy in the long run and, as you said, you could feel like you have no choice but accepting to let someone be with you even if they don’t love you. There is a need for healing before anything else. And sometimes to get there we need the help of a professional - who is by definition someone safe who will respect you and welcome what you have to say without any judgment.

These people you shared your life with, in the past, may have affected you, but they didn’t take the best of you. There is more to experience than this kind of relationship. Mutual respect, understanding and care is possible, and it is possible for you. You are not out of control. You have a power of decision, and maybe that power starts now with reaching out. Learning to find your true value, the one that will help you to not let anyone drain you, is something you can achieve at your own pace, and with the right amount of support. You can empower yourself, step by step, so narcissists would be easier to identify, and easier to avoid. You deserve to be respected, loved and cared for. This is not only true for others. This is for you too. But it might require you to go through an individual process of healing and reconnecting to your own worth before you engage yourself in a new relationship.

Ultimately the decisions are yours, and you are the one to know how you feel. But from a friendly perspective right now, I’d like to encourage you to take your time to heal and learn from those past relationships, with the help of a counselor, so you’d empower yourself and make sure you would find someone who would truly see you and respect you. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with someone who truly sees you, as beautiful as you are. You are not made to make someone else feel better about themselves at your own expanse. :hrtlegolove:

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Hey @PeaceandLove ,

The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. Thank you for trusting us, and welcome to HeartSupport.

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