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Confused, sad, and heartbroken


#1

I can’t stand this anymore. I have a nonverbal autistic brother who’s my age. I can’t sleep. He wakes me up screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing everything and stomping, my head hurts so bad. He’s on his third couple hour long tantrum for today, and it’s like this every single fucking day. He won’t stop for anything, just shrieking at the top of his lungs shaking the entire house. It breaks me down to tears just listening to it constantly, I can’t think or do anything. My moms just as stressed always screaming and flipping her shit at him, he also attacks people really bad. Like beats the fuck out of them because he doesn’t understand and I’m so scared. My mom won’t take him anywhere and she’s looking at Doctors who will get him better medicine but it’s going to take a loooong time. My boyfriend is living with us and he has a ton of mental disorders which he’s currently getting help on, but he feels like he’s losing his shit because of it and says he can’t live with this. He calls my brother a retard and my family mean names, tearing me down further. My heart is breaking and all I want to do is escape but all I can do is hear my brother yell… I love my boyfriend so much but he needs to get his shit together and not treat me so horribly. It hurts like hell. I know he loves me but he acts like a five year old when he doesn’t get his way, and constantly talking about how he’s going to leave and go back home,( he lives over a thousand miles away and we’d never see each other again) is so stressful. He misses his family, he hasn’t seen them in so long and I get that. But I feel like if he goes, he won’t come back because of how bad my house is and it tears me to pieces, I can’t help but cry. I want him to see them but it also just hurts that he acts as if my family hasn’t done anything for him when we took him in out of a poverty ridden life and tried to make him feel welcome, as stressful as our situation is. He doesn’t have to be so rude about everything and stress me out further… on top of all of that, all of my friends are being extremely mean to me or don’t talk to me anymore. I have basically no friends left and I have to see them talk everyday all happy together without me In school and I come home to my boyfriend who makes me feel loved and happy… but he also tears me down… I just have no idea what to think or feel anymore. I don’t know what to do about anything and just felt like throwing my feelings out there.


#2

Hi @PikachuNerd,
By all means, throw your feelings out here.
First off, on your boyfriend. If he really does love you, then he will listen to you. You should sit him down, maybe outside and away from your house for a little while, and explain how you feel about the way he’s acting. Make sure he knows that he doesn’t have a right to be rude but also that you will support him. You both need to support each other. Telling the person you love straight out isn’t always easy, but honesty is the best way to go. If he really loves you, he will try. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t deserve you.
Look at your situation. It’s very stressful, and you are still here. It’s hard to live with your brother and all this, but I believe in you. Things might be like this now, but it won’t last forever.
And if you can, hire someone to watch your brother while you, your mom and boyfriend go out somewhere, maybe to dinner or shopping. To relax.
I know it hurts to see your used to be friends going on without you, trust me I get that. But you know what? It’s their loss. They don’t get it, and that’s their fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t try to get them back, you deserve better than that. You will find other friends. :slight_smile:
Hold Fast

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#3

Thank you so much. It means the world to me that you responded! :heart: