Hmm, so you sort of split yourself off a bit? When did that happen and why?
Idk what you read, but don’t name something if you know it’s going to make it more alive. The more power you give to a thoughtform the more control it has because you are giving it life and sentience.
So, in the case of Accidentaly created “personification” identities: I’d advise you to ground yourself, Robyn, or whoever the original may be, to reality and try to relax with being just yourself. Let in the emotions of your other “personalities” and identify them not as seperate people, but part of you. Part of you that needs to be healed. Don’t let those intrusive thoughts control your life, remind yourself they are just intrusive thoughts. Remember that you are in control and your intrusive thoughts aren’t. Stuff like this happens all the time in life, every day we will use a narration of thought patterns to live through daily life, and when intrusive thoughts (like severe depression) come in, sometimes it gets so bad it does feel like a seperate person out to get us. In this case, sometimes you accidently sort of acknowledged these intrusive thoughts as seperate people, and in doing that the brain created a thoughtform that was connected to your intrusive thoughts making it your own personal hell. It can cause lot of chaos if we let an intrusive thoughts take over our life by becoming their own thoughtform/identity. They can cause abuse and pain to you and others, and in these cases it’s not ideal to let them stay around as they have really no reason to exist other than to torment you. it’s crucial to not create identities out of toxic thoughtforms. What it also sounds like is when you let it control you, you found yourself coping by creating new thoughtforms to push the intrusive ones out. This is pretty much your brains way of calming down the chaos, but it’s only there in the first place because you’re giving it your attention. I heavily advise to go to a therapist (ik you can’t so by yourself for now) and work on self love, acceptence, and understanding your mental illnesses aren’t people (And if you find yourself having trouble getting rid of them because it feels more uncontrolled, then I’d advise looking with a therapist into OSDD, because if it’s uncontrolled then you can’t integrate them bc they’re not intrusive thoughts.) I’ve seen people who have been down this rabbit hole before and it isn’t pretty, it’s painful a hard bridge to cross and it leaves you stuggling to get back on your feet because you don’t know who you are anymore. But the key thing to remember, is that you are you. So I can gaurentee what you need to know the most right now is that your mental illnesses and pains and negative emotions aren’t seperate people out to get you and hurt you, they’re emotions and sicknesses that you need to get through with a professional or with medications. As for “personalities” like Glen, they could defiently help you, but I’d advise teaching yourself that you’re capable of working through things rather than teaching your brain that another identity is better at it than you. Yes, teamwork is possible, but since you sound very young, what you need more than anything is confidence, determination and therapy (when you’re ready). You are alot more in control of this than you may think, I know it’s probably alot right now that you’re going through, but right now, since most of these “personalities” are hurting you more than helping, I’d advise trying to integrate (merging them back into you safely) and function as a singlet. You seem to not care about these “personalities” and see them as part of yourself rather than real seperate people, so it doesn’t sound like you want them around. Healthy integration with them is most likely for the best for your overall mental health right now. But, if you genuinely do want to keep them around, and you care about them, then I’d advise working with Glen on functioning as a team to heal eachother.
There is a way to function with this, I just don’t think it’s good idea for your situation as well as your age, unless you’re with a professional who can guide you properly, which you seem to not want to have. You can defiently switch this around and learn how work together not negatively, but positively. And that is the act of using these parts of your partily seperated self to heal you, because you are all still you. Like with say, ignis, you’d work on why he feels the way he feels, and comfort him and give him support, be the voice of emotional reason, and he’ll learn to not lash out at you and say all those bad things to you and he won’t feel a need to be in control. I honestly never did this myself, when I had my persecutor, they were way too seperated from me and wouldn’t listen, so I banished them and told myself they were just intrusive thoughts until they just stopped appearing. In my case I was very young, and I couldn’t just give therapy to a literal sadistic psychopathic mind demon who wanted me to be nice so they could torment me more, so I fought it. And if you’re in the same situation, I’d advise a banishment as well.
I can defiently see how both of these options can help, it’s just the practicality of your situation. If you know you can’t handle or don’t know how to heal yourself porperly, then don’t do it. No one’s going to blame you for choosing to get rid of them, it’s like ending an abusive relationship. You just can’t take it anymore, you’re young and so is the mind.
So with undisordered trauma splitting, it’s more adaptive, like a way to cope without memory barriers developing. It’s undisordered because there’s no framented realities (which basically means the memory loss and dissociation). So for the case of undisordered adapting, (let me know if this feels like you) your brain may have tried to adapt to your trauma by partially splitting yourself. Though with undisordered plurality it can range from the simple accidental acknowledgement that the mind can create thought patterns that turn into new identities, to adapting from a truamatic experience, to creating thoughtpatterns via your own will. So there are alot of causes for plurality, and alot of experiences with it as well as layers. In your case it sounds like you still acknowledge yourself as a singlet bc of the sole fact you do not consider them real.
So that is called a walk-in, that’s most likely just another intrusive thought manifesting themselves into a person. This sounds like it’s happening to you alot, so if you don’t want the responsibility of eventually becoming an actual system from this, then I suggest to start gatekeeping. Gatekeeping is the act of keeping intrusive thoughts from developing into people. You remind the brain that the thoughts are simply intrusive thoughts, ignore them, and don’t identify them to any name or color or voice or form. This goes with all of your “personalities”.
I’d advise leaving a toxic relationship, there is nothing you will gain from it except trauma and a destroyed mental health. If you can’t, reach out to a good friend or on this site, we are all here to listen if you need support.
Yea I mean the mind is infinetly moldeable, what you think you’re not capable of or what you don’t like you can be if you change the set of thought patterns the mind obeys. The mind just follows a series of the first strand of thought patterns (aka original) but it can certainly change, you just have to get it out of a habit and into a new one. Can certainly be difficult at times, but it’s proof things arent impossible. It’s kind of like a refresh.
Ok so, by mental illness I’m talking about your depression and whatever else is causing your negative thoughts. I’m also referring to whatever trauma has affected your mental health. Neurodivergency is far from a mental illness, but speaking of it, plurality is intrinsically considered neurodivergent by a majority of the community. That’s a whole other topic though.
So on the topic of therapy, I don’t know what happened but I’m sorry you don’t feel safe going there. Maybe one day you can give it another shot, it’s just about finding the perfect one.
About the depression. You are worth so much. You have a life and you have value. People may have treated you shitty in the past but know you don’t deserve it, so you don’t deserve to treat yourself the same.
So idk what definition you are going by of normal but the way I’m taking it is you’re saying “weird”. With that definition, what we perceive as normal is… Different for everyone. In your situation it’s not that it’s not normal, but it’s unhealthy, you’re not weird for it or anything (in case that’s how you’re feeling) but you are being hurt by it. I’m just stating this to reassure you to not feel embarrassed or anything. Because it’s okay.
With your friend, that does sound quite tough. I’ve had plenty of friends like that. It’s shitty, definetly. Idk what happened, but I do understand the experience of having horribly shitty and fake narsassitic friends who spent years doing mental gymnastics just to come up with a conclusion of why I was a “shitty stupid entitled childish asshole” and everything was my fault. And they do that by taking every small negative aspect about you and blowing it up to make themselves feel better than you and making you feel shitty, because that is now all you’re sourrounded by- When really they’re the childish little bitches who don’t want to acknowledge their own mistakes and grow up. He’s happy because he’s a shitbag who doesn’t see his mistakes and only points them at others to fuffil his severely delusioned ego and satiate his need for a false self validation. Don’t sourround yourself with unhinged asshats like that and don’t let their idiotic delusions get to you, you deserve better and they aren’t worth your thoughts and your sympathy. You arent stupid, he’s just projecting what he sees in his own mirror onto you because he doesn’t want to deal with his own burdens of being a poor excuse for a human being instead of just getting therapy. People like that don’t change. No matter what you do and how hard you try, they don’t change, they can pretend all they want that they’ve changed, but it’s only a mask they put on for the public which sickens me. They can’t really change until they realize how much they fucked up and it eats away at them, and they finally genuinely apologize for the first time in their lives, that’s when you know. But it’s rare for such deeply deranged shitholes to ever grow up, so essentially, again, they aren’t worth your time. And the best you can do is heal yourself, up your standards, make friends with more mature people, and don’t let it happen again. This can defiently affect your whole situation, and I don’t blame you for your anger. Again, I’ve been through this before, very long story, but what I’ve learned most about making friends from it is to be really careful about the enviroments you put yourself in. Some cities are just horrible and you have to put up with it, but in the case of online, you will find someone in communities kind enough to treat you like the human you are. So don’t give up hope.
Don’t worry about the rant, you can rant all you want here, that is what this place is for ^~^
I hope you aren’t still with that friend, and my advice helps a bit. Take care