I was raped about 5 years ago and from that I got herpes. The action itself is something i was able to work through and heal from but having an illness from it has kept me stuck in the past. I have to bring it up every time i date someone and I haven’t had much luck to anyone being receptive to it. No one has been mean but they usually end up scared enough to dump me. I just feel like my personality isn’t enough; that this is my identity; that I won’t find someone who loves me more than the fear. Ive had it for so long and have never met anyone who’s had it or has experienced anything similar. Its embarrassing to be the gross and single friend all the time. People ask why I’m single and I have to play it off as a choice like I’m the one who dumps people and not the other way around.
Yesterday I drove across the Coronado bridge for about an hour and a half. I got brave enough to stop completely three times but never brave enough to get out of the car. I can usually cry and sleep it off but I woke up today regretting the choice to drive home. I’ve never been so close to the edge.
Hey there. I am very proud of you for sharing with us. This is such a difficult thing for you to have been forced to go through and to be reminded of it every time you start to date someone sounds horrific as well. Just remember that what you have doesn’t define you. You are who you are and that is vital to your relationships not that you have something wrong…many many people have “something wrong” with them and that isn’t a bad thing it’s just a thing. It is good that you address it with potentials and can be somewhat open about it. Have you visited a therapist about it? I encourage you to do so because it can help you understand the entirety of the situation. We all have wounds and scars in different ways. I have faith that you will find that special someone for you, it’s just a matter of time. I hope the individual was prosecuted also but that’s neither here nor there. You are loved and needed here on earth. Be strong. You are important. I care about you and so do so many others. Don’t hurt yourself. Reach out again if you want to talk.
joefor88
Thanks for the reply. It means a lot that someone takes the time to share. Someone who doesnt even know me.
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If you don’t have sex while dating, the resulting relationship doesn’t need constant sex because you will like each other for each other’s personalities and not for each other’s bodies. No sex while dating also means that you will get to know someone better before the subject of herpes comes up and they will be able to make an informed decision before deciding to commit or not.
Please don’t kill yourself tonight.
