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Considering ending it all

I’m 21 and in college. I missed my classes again today. I have tons of late work due and I got overwhelmed trying to finish it all last night. My teacher has been letting me work on it but is starting to push me into turning it in. I have another BS answer why I didn’t come in today. She probably knows it’s BS.

My therapist of nearly two years texted me two months ago just saying “I won’t be able to see you anymore because you moved” and that was that. I only moved 10 minutes away. She used to take me to the animal shelter and cafes on weekends. I almost thought we were friends. She hasn’t texted me since to check up on me. It hurts so much.

I feel SO worthless. Every semester I get behind on my assignments, how could I ever have a career? At my college I tried to reach out to the therapist there and she got crappy with me over email because our times to meet up didn’t match. She hasn’t emailed me back in over a week.

I can’t do this anymore. My drug addict brother stole a bunch of my clothes last week. My grandma basically admitted to not caring about me. My mom never talks to me and only cares about Facebook and YouTube. I’m 21 and don’t even have a drivers license to get away.

I just cant handle it anymore. I have no one to talk to. I try to reach out and get nothing in return. This is the first time I’m genuinely considering suicide. I’m such a failure. No one cares for me. I’m untalented and lazy. Why am I even here? I can’t even muster the motivation to complete simple school assignments. I hate myself so much. So freaking much. I’m so empty.

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From: all_around_ashley

Hey , just want to let you know that we love you and that you are not alone . BY the way you ARE NOT worthless . You are trying you best in college and thats okay. Let me say the truth here , you are not a failure, we DO care about you , you are talented and you are not lazy. Even tho you may get behind you can always make them up like your professor said. Also you are not empty , we will help you fill the void. You have purpose , you have breath in your lungs . Hold fast

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From: the_casualhero

ya i totally felt like everything would fail. I quit school, lost my job, my band broke up and broke off a serious relationship all relatively close to the same time and it just felt like nothing would ever go right. years later i can say that things do change, but i did have to rethink my approach to my goals. thinks will never be perfect and challenges are still everyday but my mindset is different and things are going well even in the midst of hardships.

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From: r0xiz

After reading this post, it seems to me that you are afraid. Its okay to be afraid of things. We all are afraid at times. The world isn’t perfect and neither are you and that is okay. Perfection is overrated my friend, but at the same time I don’t believe that you are ‘worthless’ like you said. Just because close people around you are leaving, doesn’t mean that they are forever gone. You have good qualities I know it. Do me a favor: listen to this song “One More Light” by Linkin Park

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I would like to approach this from a slightly different point as well if that’s ok? You mentioned your brother is an addict and stole your clothes? I’m an addict myself, and I personally never stole anything other than drugs. However, I do know that if someone had even shown me they cared, I probably would have started to realise what was happening. Not straight away - I mean, drugs rule our lives, but just by someone consistently supporting us no matter what, it starts to sink in.So, if it’s possible, talk to your brother. Don’t put yourself out more than you have. Just talk to him. Tell him he doesn’t have to steal, explain that if he needs something and it’s viable, you will help him. If you can have that conversation with your brother, it will take some pressure off of you, and put the responsibility on him. Because it sounds like you’re taking that on yourself when it’s nothing to do with you. It’s just that, when we are in our addiction, we always play the victim. It’s not until other people put the ball in our court that the weight is lifted from YOU, the person doing the supporting.

Is there any groups at your college that you can go to? Some colleges have peer groups to help with the work or just general life. Try and speak to some of your other classmates. If college isn’t right for you in this moment, that’s ok. You can go back.

You’re not worthless, you deserve to live.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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From: bart_tastic

You matter! We love! You are the best! We all care about you! Hold fast! Never give up!

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From: ladytapioca

Hey Friend, I’m sorry this has happened to you. We’re here for you and Love you.

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From: noname32222

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but we love you, and we’re here for you

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From: snarky_one

"If you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing that it is stupid". You are not stupid. We judge ourselves with unrealistic ideology. Be gentle, be loving, be kind. To you. Because that’s how you would be to someone else.

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From: chronically_meg

we love you and care about you! Your worth is not in what you can do for other people or in school or in life. Your worth is in you because you’re human. Hold Fast!

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From: thekatisalie

You are not alone. You are not a failure. You are struggling, and that is human and it is ok. You matter. We care.

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From: microsmos_

I’ve been told recently that “circumstances you can’t control doesn’t define you”. I wanted to send you the same message. You are not worthless. You matter. You are not alone. Much Love to you. <3

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From: s_cray_cray

I struggled with suicide and attempted suicide twice in my life, I found life was too much and I always felt like a failure, I found that putting things in a journal and writing goals in life helped. not only what I want to achieve materialistically but also goals for my feelings

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Hey there @wolflover,

The guys responded to your topic on the live stream. Hold Fast

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It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now. Family is supposed to be our support system and it sounds like your family is doing the opposite. Having a hard time with that doesn’t make you worthless. Your struggles are real and they matter.

I am not offering this as advice, but as the perspective I have. When i went through my own struggles in college, I withdrew for a semester to focus on my health. I never gave up on the idea of college, I just put it on hold. It’s ok to redirect your plans to make space for your reality. Your family is pulling away. It’s ok to redirect plans that depend on them so they dont have so many opportunities to continue to hurt you. Likewise, if you need to redirect your college plans to take care of yourself, that’s ok too. You deserve love and support. We love and support you :yellow_heart:

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Something I started doing to fight the feeling of failure was turning little things into triumphs. Like brushing my teeth, taking my pills, eating something, drinking a bottle of water-they became things I did right even if that was it that day. I started seeing things from another perspective. I’ve been in the school Shane boat many times. I had to let myself off the hook, take the F’s in classes and start over. It sucked immensely but learning to love myself and show myself grace and hit the restart button helped so much. I believe in you friend, you’re not alone. Love you.

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I don’t even know where to begin. I’m kind of at a loss for words. Thank you all so much. I really wasn’t expecting this kind of response. I didn’t even know Heart Support had a twitch! A simple thank you doesn’t feel like enough, so thank you infinity. This all means so much to me. This is really the first time in my life I don’t feel alone.

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@wolflover You’re loved, friend! Keep fighting. You got this :slight_smile:

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stop being brought down by lifes paths it’s how it works if you wanna better yourself you gotta push yourself everything that happens, happens for a reason it’s to teach you how to survive if you let these things eat at you of course you’re gonna feel worthless so try to finish those assignments get up and do what you love if that’s running or working out or playing games just get up and try !! much love

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