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Constantly Suicidal


#1

I really feel hopeless. Like I’m tired plain and simple. I know depression and anxiety can be managed, but I’m too tired. I’m so tired. Like why can’t it just go fucking away! My mood is so up and down. I saw twenty one pilots the other week, and was on cloud nine that night. The morning after I could’nt get out of bed. I have no support system, Ive tried talking to pastors and friends. I even go as far as to tell them I’m suicidal and like once I stop going to thier churhc or reach out it’s like I’m noone. I used to find so much happiness in the church, but noone cares.
I’m on anti depressasnts and I think they’re not working I mean obviously right. But whats even the point of telling my doctor I have no energy to talk to my doctor. I feel like I’m bothering my doctor even. I didnt think help would be this hard.
I just want a support system you know? I have no one I can call if I’m like scared or like if I can’t get off of my shower floor. I just need someone. I just want the suicidal thoughts to go away. It’s just shitty bc I cant make a fucking safty plan becuase I have noone to call who would care. It’s just hard. I’m tired of being tired I’m tired of myself like I just piss myself off becuase I’m still struggling with this shit.


#2

I understand. It fucking sux especially when you’re alone because you’re alone with your thoughts. You need to know reality & delusion. Your thoughts are delusions. Not everyone ignores you. Either they don’t understand cause you weren’t clear, they’re willingly ignorant or you haven’t met the right people yet.
Call your doctor & be honest. Also a Therapist might help. If you want someone to help you hash out you’re goals like everyday living I suggest Incase Management or Peer services.

As for energy, are you more active when it is warm? Is it winter right now? You might need a sunlight (different from tanning bed/light, normal light) Maybe it is you aren’t eating the right kind of meals. Your meals should consist all the food groups but one meal should consist of at least 3 food groups.
I can advise vitamins, but I would consult your doctor first. A daily multivitamin fortified with extra A,C & D. Energy specific add B6 & B12.
Drinking water can help. Just water alone everybody should drink 64 ounces. This doesn’t include other beverages like coffee, tea, soda, etc.
Having a set time when you sleep & get up can help as well. (I personally go to bed a 1-2am and I get up around 7-8am.) When I wake up the first thing I do is take a shower. I take another shower sometime between afternoon & when I go to bed.
I have my off days too, but usually I go outside for an hour or so or I do stuff like clean my apartment (dusting, wiping, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, laundry) The dishes I do immediately after I eat (same with brushing my teeth, I floss in the morning with brushing my teeth (& shaving on wed. & day I go to church) before I take my morning shower. I also moisturize my skin with lotion after my shower. (Dry skin can cause drowsiness when you’re ashy around your face. If you got facial hair you need to keep it moistioned as well so product for your stashes & beard should work.) IMO


#3

Hey Andrea! Just wanted to let you know that WE (The HS community) will be your support system if you have no one else to talk to!


#4

Hey friend. Thanks for posting. I understand this on a level I don’t like to admit honestly… When I’m at concerts and around live music - everything just fades away, it’s like everything I’m dealing with is suddenly no longer a concern… I’m on medication but it’s not working overly well. I’m pretty much suicidal 24/7 also and I don’t have support around me so I rely very much on this community, so you’re doing the right thing reaching out.
This community has seriously saved my life, quite literally. I have people I can message whenever I need and even if they can’t respond straight away, they will when they get time. I have people I can call whatever time of day and they’ll be there… Suicidal thoughts are the worst, but you’ve started talking about them here which is awesome, keep talking about them to anyone… Whether it’s people of this community or even 1 person you think MIGHT care even a little bit. Come join the community discord and streams. You will find nothing but love and encouragement from people who have been through similar problems and that won’t judge you… You’re not alone - there is always someone there that wants to help you… Come let us do that for you.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#5

Yo, Andreadjune

I know how you feel. I’m glad you put what energy you have into speaking out here on the support wall. I know that this shit can be exhausting, it is. But you aren’t ready to give up. I know that because you came here to share with us, that’s a sign that you’re still reaching out.

I urge you to go to the doctor and to tell him that you think that your medication isn’t working… they will put you on one that will help. Talk to them about counseling and they will give you resources for that.

I know it feels like no one cares, but they do, we do. Have you tried talking to your family if they are available? There are multiple hotlines you can call when you’re feeling suicidal. If you really feel like you are going to follow through with suicide, please reach get yourself to your nearest hospital and they will help you with that.

Please continue to reach out and keep your chin up friend.

  • Nolan

#6

Andrea , your are so loved . it may feel like no one cares , but they do care. if they dont care enought to your ability go find someone else you can talk to so they can know how you feel.


#7

Hey @andreadjune,

I’m so sorry to hear that you aren’t doing too good right now. We care for you and we want to see you get better! Anxiety/depression can be really hard for the mind, which makes you really, really tired. Try hard to get to bed on time (or early) and try to take something to help you sleep (melatonin). When I’m exhausted, my mood drastically fluctuates (for the worse).

Have you tried going back to church, or finding a different church? I’m sure you’ll find tons of people who’ll care for you there, and community is very important (especially when you’re going through a rough time).

In the meantime, join the HS discord! :slight_smile:

-Eric


#8

Hey @andreadjune,

I am so sorry you’ve been going through this alone. I have definitely been in this place (and still am sometimes) before, and the suicidal thoughts and depression just won’t leave me alone. It also sucks so much when a church community that’s supposed to be there for you, isn’t. I experienced that during my time in school, when the church group around me kind of preached love and care, but most of them just didn’t understand mental health issues under the surface and how painful it can be. It was so freaking lonely, like a wtf kind of roller coaster pain.

And it’s hard to make a doctor’s appointment. It literally took me years to make an appointment with my doctor about seeing a therapist and getting started on medication for depression/anxiety. It was so vulnerable and difficult to do. From what i understand, people often have to try different meds and find the right combination. I know it takes a lot of energy to even think about that, but just something to consider. Your doctor is there to help and care for you- that’s their job! And honestly, you’re doing so amazing already, truly. You’ve already taken the step to go to your doctor before, and you’re reaching out to the HeartSupport community here (it took me forever to do just that).

We are here you, and we can be your support system if you let us! We can battle the suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety together. Honestly here for you, to love you, and to care for you no matter what. Please consider joining the discord, where you can reach out to this community, any time. We won’t let you be alone.


#9

Hi friend,
thank you for reaching out!
I can tell that you are trying and it’s totally okay to be tired! It totally happens! But learn to rest, not to quit. There is purpose for your life.
Even though it may feel that no one cares, i want you to know that God cares. Even though people at church didn’t make it seem that way, which i’m so sorry about. But He, Himself cares about every single thing in your life. He’ll help you if you let Him friend :slight_smile:
Know that we are here for you too! If you ever need to vent or just need encouragement, that’s what this whole community is about!
You are loved, and it is totally, totally to get tired, frustrated, etc of the same things, but it gets better i promise. We care, i care, and God cares.
God’s got you fam, we believe in you and i believe in you. You’re doing great.

And don’t forget to celebrate the small victories in life.


#10

@nessdaniels +1 Jordan Feliz :slight_smile: :raised_hands:t2:


#11

Hey @andreadjune
Here is our video response along with @meganlenius on Twitch. Hold Fast.