Craving in person interaction

[Geko]

I’ve been struggling with depression for a while, and lately I’ve been feeling much worse, due to a lack of in person social interaction.

I am recently unemployed (again…), have very few friends, and most of my communication is handled through text messages or the internet.

I’ve tried to let my family / friends know that I need more interaction that doesn’t involve a screen, and they just get upset, and tell me they are too busy to do anything (even if I try to plan in advance).

I have people I’ve met that care through discord, and occasionally get text messages from a family member, but for the most part I’m always alone in my day to day life, and tend to feel lonely quite a bit.

I try to get out when I feel like this, but recently I’ve just found myself wandering, trying to get into random conversations with complete strangers. Most of the time this ends in me creeping somebody out, and going home feeling even more depressed.

This seems to be coming to a peak. I can’t do this for much longer, and have been having recurring suicidal thoughts nearly every night this week.

I just can’t handle being alone anymore.

I don’t know what to do…

[Astroly]

One of our basic human needs is himan contact. I was in the same situation as yours. The best three solutions I could think of, were to 1. Get into a relationship (but we all know it’s not like that will happen at the snap of fingers) 2. Get a hobby that involves people. I have tried going to a choir, since I like singing, but sadly my financial situation didn’t allow that decision. 3. Get a pet, preferrably a dog. Not only do dogs show you immense love and give you a reason to live. They are also really good conversationstarters for random people on the streets. You’ll get approached by people who want to pet your dog. I know this sounds weird, but if you have the chance… get a dog.

(I know my reply is a bit short, but I hope you get the bigger lines from what I wrote)

[Micro]

@Geko,

I’m so sorry, friend. What you’re feeling right now makes totally sense and we all need social interaction. It helps us to connect to this world, to share great moments with others… and having a job is certainly a huge part of it.

A few months ago I lost my job and am unemployed since then. As I’m not really great at building new relationships, those that I had with my colleagues were a huge part of my social life. And now, there’s not much left of it, unfortunately. I appreciate them a lot, still talk to them just like you do, through texts and online messages. But obviously when you don’t see someone everyday then it takes a toll on the relationship you have with them. Now I could say my social life is really similar to yours.

You did the right thing by letting your family know about your current needs. And I’m really sorry they didn’t seem to understand. It’s so frustrating when you manage to be vulnerable, to share something important and intimate but feel like you haven’t been heard… Unfortunately, if they’re not willing to spend some time with you, you can’t force them. And it’s their loss…

When I was a student I felt pretty alone too. I had no one to talk to, only some texts and online messages from my family sometimes. I hurt a lot for realizing that some days I actually didn’t say something, out loud, to someone, just because I hadn’t anyone to interact with. I ended to do the same as you: seeking occasions to talk to random strangers. I even cherished the 30 second of interactions I could have with the baker whose shop was just near where I lived. And I felt so ridiculous for that.

It certainly depends on where you live, but there are probably possibilities for you to meet new people and talk to them on a regular basis. Have you considered volunteering? Just yesterday, I volunteered for the first time in a night shelter for paperless men. I didn’t know much about this place, didn’t know how it works and I’ve been impressed by how organised they are there. I didn’t know anyone either, I’ve been given a job I didn’t know anything about, it was exhausting to me as my anxiety was quite at intense at the moment, but at the end of the day it felt really good! And I’m looking for going back there more regularly if I can.

Also, do you have any passon or interests that might be shared by a group, an organization or a club near where you live? Any events or activities affordable or free that you could go to? It could be really worth it to keep an eye on programs and calendars of events near where you live, as there might be interesting things for you and opportunities to meet great people out there.

The idea of @Astroly, about pets, is really great too. Obviously it’s different than interactions with humans, but animals can be of a great comfort. They don’t care about where you are in your life and what circumstances you’re facing. They just love you anyway.

It’s still an online interaction, but if you ever need to talk, to vent, to cry, then know that my DMs are open to you as well.

I’m rooting for you. This season of your life isn’t meant to last. Keep reaching out, keep going outside and try not to isolate yourself. I know this can be very tempting when we feel alone and disappointed, when we’re seeking for something that is waiting to arrive. It will get better.

Sending much love your way.

[anon17277947]

Hi friend,

This is something I can relate to on a deep level. As a military spouse previously of 14 years and always being across the map from my close friends, I understand the loneliness and frustration of always being at a distance and not having someone to hang out with. It’s definitely nice to have friends on discord and people to game/voice with but there’s something different about being around someone physically.

Sometimes I pack up my writing and art supplies and sit at the coffee shop for a few hours. I’ll watch people. Sometimes I chat and make small talk with people coming in. There’s actually something satisfying about this in coffee shops. We even have a local place that does live music. Do you have something like that where you live?

Do you like board games? There is often local game shops that host tournaments and game nights. We have a small place here where the owner has several rooms and you can just come in and play games. Test them out before you buy or just hang out. They often host events. Maybe something local to you does that.

There is also a site https://www.meetup.com/ where you can connect to other people with similar interests. It’s a great way to find new friends. Maybe this is worth a shot!

It’s hard extending yourself and making friends sometimes, I know. But these are a few ways that I have found really helpful. I hope you’re able to find the strength and courage to reach out and extend yourself and that you find connections that work for you. Much love friend

• Kitty