Sometimes my mind goes crazy and tells me I’m not loved by anyone. Or something happened and my mind tries to tell me that cutting will make me remember my mistakes and deal with it.
Sometimes I just ball up in my couch and cry; and it’s hard to describe why. I just feel like my life has become a circle of good times and really bad times. I am suddenly in a low… 30 minutes I was fine, but now suddenly the need to cut myself is really high.
How can I deal with this?
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I’m sorry you are not in a good place right now. Have you heard of a book called Re-Write? It is about self-harm, explaining why, it has work exercises so you can write out your thoughts, and how you can be resilient. You can buy it on the HeartSupport’s online store or if you are short on money, you can contact the directors to give you a free copy. You will get better. I hope you are having a peaceful night. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
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@Astroly
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling poorly. First and foremost I would like to remind you that everyone does NOT hate you! That’s depression and/or anxiety playing tricks on you. Dont let it win. We are all here for you on this forum, so I’m glad you reached out.
I have battled with self injury for years… I know how difficult it can be to resist the temptation. My best advice to you is try to distract yourself with something you love, or something that comforts you. A few of the things I did this week to distract myself:
-went on a rainy day hike
-painted a box
-drank a beer (although some might not consider this healthy)
-watched scary movies
-decorated my bedroom
I hope some of these ideas helped. But I know how brutal the struggle can be… sending well wishes to you friend <3
-Eyeless
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So, for me personally, cutting was always a way of getting buried emotions out. If you feel like yours come from the same place, singing (especially metal) helps me a lot of exercise helps (has a similar pain associated with it but for some reason is seen as high status).
Either way I wanna remind that cutting is a symptom not the actual problem. If someone has a cough, you don’t wanna just make them stop coughing if they have a respiratory infection that needs antibiotics.
So maybe doing some mediation, or mindfulness exercises like mood tracking or tracking what the urge to cut strikes in response to. And at what times of the week.
And if you have to, you have to. Just remember that if you do it, it doesn’t mean you’re too weak not to. It means you’re strong enough to do what you have to to keep yourself functioning and fighting. They are literal battle scars <3
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I too suffer from cutting. I understand how hard it can be to get out of the cycle. For me the pain gets so bad I find relief in cutting. It’s almost like a direct shot of pain killer.
But I took 2 yrs of dbt. Learning to recognize vulnerabilities that can make me more susceptible to self harm. Like not getting enough sleep or not eating etc. I also made a list of things I can do instead of cutting. It’s good to keep the list close by.
You have to explore what works best for you. For me snapping a rubberband on my wrist or raking a brush across my arm helps. You can try music… smelling spices … aroma therapy … dunking your face in cold water as well …they said it creates the “dive response” and slows your heart down. Or if it’s cold out and you can go for a drive try it with the window down… Its apart of changing our body temperature we learned in dbt.
Try a walk or doing a puzzle something to distract if you can until the feeling passes. Or sometimes for me I need to feel the pain and cry but have a hard time accessing it so music can be a good way for me to bring up pain and have a good cry which can free me up from the need to cut. You just have to be willing to experiment with different ways that will help you get through that moment so you can choose something else rather than cutting.
I know it’s hard. I will go three weeks then cave in to it. Then beat myself up over it. Do your best to remind yourself of all your good qualities and try your best to forgive yourself. We arent perfect just try your best. Know you’re not alone. You can always come here for support. I hope you can find a funny movie to watch or draw or find a friend to hang out with… whatever you can to get thru each moment.
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@GreatWalrus
This is such a meaningful portion of your response. Not enough people see the strength that comes with self injury. It truly boils down to survival.
“And if you have to, you have to. Just remember that if you do it, it doesn’t mean you’re too weak not to. It means you’re strong enough to do what you have to to keep yourself functioning and fighting. They are literal battle scars <3”
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For both you and the OP: it literally is a shot of painkiller since it creates adrenaline and all the hormones associated with a pain response. So, if you really think about it, you guys are exploiting a physiological response to kill your internal pain. And there is no shame in that; that’s badass as hell.
So if you are trying to wean yourselves off it, I get it 
but the way to do that is to build more alternative supports first, then getting off of the main one. Trying to quit cold turkey is gonna fail unless there is something as good or better around. And all shame does is make you feel worse and want to do the thing that made you feel better more. So please please don’t feel ashamed for it if you can. If there isn’t any shame in someone punching a bag until their knuckles bleed, or working out until they are so sore they can barely move, then there shouldn’t be any shame with cutting either.
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