Cutting Ties

I’m about to be 30 and I’ve had issues with my mom for a long time. I’m at the point to where I want nothing to do with her, but I have no clue how to cut ties. Long story short, I moved in with my dad and stepmom when I was about 12 or 13 and my mom moved to a different city. In those years, she would bail on coming to see me and sporting events which was important to me. To this day she still talks crap about my dad and stepmom, but they essentially raised me so I can’t stand it. The biggest wedge was being called selfish when I wouldn’t go to lunch with her when I was home for my best friends funeral and wanted to be with my friends.

I tried letting her back into my life and things were going well until she fell back into old habits. She tends to use her mental health as a weapon towards me try to guilt trip me to see and talk to her. I’ve had multiple spikes in anxiety just from simply seeing her name pop up with a text. I guess in the end I’m just asking for help on what I should do? Should I cut ties? Am I a piece of shit for feeling like this? Idk, I just feel alone in this right now. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Much love.



This is a hard subject to talk about. Parents are the ones to love you unconditionally. Is your mom doing that? Sounds like it is not. Perhaps, block her number and social media if she has one. It is her choice to change, regret what she’d done to you, your father, and stepmom. Time only takes. I’m sorry you are going through a rough patch. Hang in there, buddy.

I have been in this situation before with my own mother. It is not easy to cut ties from family, but sometimes we need to for our own mental health when the behavior is toxic for us to be around. You gave her a chance and you stated she fell back into old habits. That is not easy to handle. The fact that she uses her mental health as a weapon is absolutely not okay. A person’s condition does not entitle them to behave unkindly. Your feelings are valid and they matter. If your mother’s behavior is affecting your own mental health which from what you have described it is, then yes cutting ties is a good idea. I’m so sorry that you are hurting and going through this. You are not alone. Much love to you.

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Hi friend,

I can relate to this so much! I don’t have a relationship with my mother unfortunately. I won’t get into the details here, but I had to cut ties with my mom many years ago. It took me many years to realize that it was okay to do it. I would spend a lot of time in guilt because I would let thoughts like “She’s your mom, you have to talk to her” pound in my head. A lot of people will often say how we should forgive our family members because they are family. And while, yes family often have issues and often should work through it together, there is a limit and a breaking point. Toxic is toxic. Family or not, and you should never feel obliged to someone who is an unhealthy factor in your life and dragging you down if it’s just not getting better.

My mother guilts me for associating with either of my dads. And spends a lot of time blaming me for making her life a miserable one. She often claims that I was bratty and unruly. That it’s me who never understood HER. When really, I was a child who struggled with being an undiagnosed autistic, had ADHD and learning disabilities. I had a lot of burn outs and melt downs because I didn’t know how to handle my stressful environment or her drinking. I didn’t know how to handle the way she acted when she drank. As an autistic I also had sensory issues. For her, my burn out and sensory overload was just me throwing tantrums for no reason. So as an adult she often reminds me how terrible I was and how terrible I am for blocking her.

I don’t know the extent of your struggles with your mom. But I can relate to the stress of having someone trying to talk to you, nag you and constantly feed NEGATIVE attitude and tones. It just gets old after a while. Guilting over seeing friends or other family members shouldn’t be a thing.

Often toxic parents will call US selfish when they are the ones that truly are. But they aren’t capable of seeing beyond themselves. Often they will find any reason to manipulate and guilt you because in their eyes you are a child, regardless of your age and they feel like they have this ownership over you.

I tried to forgive my mom many times through out my 20’s but it just kept turning into the same vicious cycle. Now I just block all contact and refuse to talk to her. I am usually very forgiving. But I can only dance in circles for so long because I just can’t do it anymore.

It IS okay for you to look out for yourself and your own well being. It is okay to look out for your life and want to only invite healthy people. Even if she’s your mom, it IS okay for you to cut ties. Or set down boundaries. Don’t be mean when setting the boundaries. Just try to kindly let her know this is how it is. This is how you feel. And if you are going to be able to have a healthy relationship then X and Y has to happen or not happen. My mother doesn’t like feeling like the child is telling her what to do. She hates that I lay boundaries in my life. She wants to be law.

You are NOT a piece of shit. Just take time to think about it. And decide if you want to try to let her know those boundaries or if its just better to cut ties.

I’m really sorry that your mom is putting you through this. When they are supposed to be people who love us unconditionally. You matter. You are important. Choose the things that bring health and positivity to your life. Sure everyone has issues in their relationships and we should try to work through them, but you’re allowed to cut it off if its just repeating over and over. Block her if you have to. Her number. On social media. Make your profiles private so she cant access them. You will likely feel much better.

I hope it gets better my friend.


I remember when I had to limit how much I talked to my father. Just like you, I let him back into my life and it all seemed perfect, but he went back to old ways. I do not want to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I did. I talk to him every month or so and keep our relationship at a distance and it has helped me. You are not alone!

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It is really hard cutting ties with family. My mother caused conflict when I got married & had to start slowly cutting her out. When my little girl was born I had to completely. It’s been 3 years since I’ve spoke/seen her & I did it for my wife & daughter. She was not healthy for me or my relationship. It does suck because she is family but I have to constantly remind myself that she was no good & didnt care or have the best in mind for my daughter & wife.

Hope this helps.


My biological father (by proxy from his mom as well) would dog everything my mom and stepdad did and said (we rooted for Notre Dame, he said they were cheaters; I liked NASCAR, he said it was “for hillbillies”; Blackhawks, Red Wings; these are tame compared to what else he did), including calling my mom a whore on social media (that was more his mom than him). Because of him I had to cut ties with that entire side of the family. My sister was angry with me but grew to realize why I had to. It is hard, especially when your dream is to have both sides of your family come together in peace, which isn’t possible. You’re not a POS for wanting to cut ties with your mom. My heart aches that you don’t have that healthy bond with her, but you still are right for needing to cut ties with her

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Hey @beardmanm First of all, you’re not a piece of shit for feelinng like this, sadly it happens, and in all honesty, parents fail too, and not everyone has healthy relationship with their parents, but my advice to you with all of the love and respect you deserve, is to walk away, I know it might sound like really drastic, since obviously you try to have her in your life,but I think that for the moment, walking away and trying to get out of the anxiety this relationship cause you is the best, and I do want to say this, you walking away from your mother,is not a way of disrespect, just trying to look for you and the best for your mental health at the moment, keep in mind that maybe along the way you will find a better way to have a healthy relationship with hear, it’s time to heal bro! .
Much love

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