Damn making me cry in the parking lot of target th

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Belongs to: All 27 Slipknot music videos say 1 thing…and it’s not what you expect
Damn making me cry in the parking lot of target. This is beautiful thank you for sharing your story. I hate that you had to go through all of that. The devil in me is the feeling of not being good enough too in any way. Constantly comparing myself to those around me that never reach out to others for help cuz they seem to handle their shit on their own and me feeling like a burden cuz I always need someone to help me. I lost my mom when I was C 16 and didn’t know how to do anything she treated me like a child I was mentally 11 or 12 when she died. I was never popular. Ppl see this light in me and I struggle so much at times but I have the greatest gift on earth my son he has my heart. I live for him. I’m gonna listen to slip knot now. I feel I’m the only one out here showing my scars I am so open I really tell people how I’m feeling but get embarrassed about it when I walk away. Everything is fucking up in life lately but I still count my blessings and look for the magic around me and holds space for anyone I come into contact with because I know how it feels to face the demons alone it hurts it’s scary and it’s lonely.

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Hey hey my friend.

Thank you for opening up about all of this and for giving us the chance to carry some of the burden with you - even if only for a moment.

You mentioned never feeling good enough, and that it likely stems from your mother and perhaps this feeling that you were mentally younger than you were physically when she passed.

You also mentioned feeling like you tell people how you’re feeling but you’re embarrassed or perhaps even overthink and get a bit anxious about what you’ve shared.

It sounds overwhelming. Especially with your son looking up to you. I could imagine feeling pressure, like not only are you trying to figure all of this out for you, but you’re trying to be sure that they grow up and learn from you as well. You want to be sure they have the tools you never had. But how can you pass those down when you don’t have them?

I think that, personally, I identify with more of your story than I’d like to realize. At 32 now, I felt especially lost when my daughter was much younger. I feel like I wasn’t raised to be in touch with my emotions or to value myself. And I wasn’t taught how to properly value others. So in many ways, when I was 25, I was still thinking like a teenager. I hadn’t developed in a lot of ways, and I honestly think I’m still growing and developing a lot.

In those younger years (20-25) I also remember feeling really…raw? Raw and self conscious. I felt like it was so unfair that I had to put in so much effort to get done what it seemed other people got done so easily. Why did it take 2-3 times the effort for me to stick to routines, or to save money. To clean the house. And it felt like I always had problems. I was “the problem friend”.

It was just…a lot. Based on what you said about feeling embarrassed about opening up - maybe some of that hits.

I went to therapy a lot, DBT to be specific (not a recommendation, just what I did that worked for me). And I unpacked a lot of stuff. Unpacked that because of how I was raised, there were a lot of skills I didn’t have. I didn’t learn. There were a lot of things I was running from. And that - regardless of the hand I was dealt by my parents - I am the only one responsible for what happens tomorrow.

I also learned that I have a tendency to show my own scars and heartache as a way of connecting with people or as a way of getting some level of sympathy. Because when I was little, that was how I got attention. Care. Sympathy.

Being a person is complicated. After discovering my bad habits, I went through a lot of guilt. A lot of shame. A lot of fear. “How do i parent now? How do i be sure that my daughter is getting what I didnt?”

A big part of that was not just living for her. But living for me. The best thing I can do for her is be sure Im taken care of - that way I can show up as my best self for her.

In all of this I mean to say that I think you’re doing great. You’re doing the best with what you have. The fact that you’re thinking about your son, aware of your teen years, and thinking of the future - it means you’re putting a ton of effort it.

You aren’t alone in facing your demons. We come from different places. With super different experiences. But all of us here have your back.

I believe in you. And your future. And your journey. And Target parking lots are the best places to cry.

You’ve got this.