Dangerous mood crashes

It‘s weird, especially since I haven’t experienced this until recently.
Mood swings. My depression used to be very “stable” for years. By that I mean it didn’t change much. Recently I’m doing a lot better on average but not always. It’s gotten shifty, I even had manic episodes wich are new to me but then there’s times like just now. I go from having a great day to being suicidal in the blink of an eye. And it’s really bad, this afternoon I was preparing a nice meal, all was good until it suddenly hit me. I’m sure I could have killed myself right in that moment, thought of jumping into the knife I had just used to cut the onions.
It’s scary. It came so suddenly and it was so overwhelming. I lay on the floor shaking and now (just a couple hours later) I’m relatively calm again.
I used to be suicidal, and I even planned out a suicide once but I never had such a strong urge to do it right in this moment. Or to do it in such a violent way …
it’s scary

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it’s happening too often :sob:

Wow, I’m sorry to hear this, friend, that sounds very scary indeed. Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

I havent. i currently dont have a mental health doc i can go to. my previous psychiatrist was terrible. I hasd been to a therapist at the univerity but since then I dropped out also it wasnt a good therapist relationship.

Oh, I meant you’re actually physical health doctor. Significant personality changes can be a sign of a health problem.

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