Dark thoughts ( still struggle with my friendship ending part 2)

Dude I’m really struggle with my friendship ending with my favor person. Again, the anger, hurt, saddess and just straght hatred I guess, which a strong word. But it really I love her soo much.

I love skateboarding with her every weekend, going get lunch with her, going different skate park, just talking to her and just being around her. I miss liking my Instagram videos, leaving comments, her messaging me that can’t wait to hang out with me. I fucking love so much, that I can’t stand fact that I’m losing her. I feel like I just throw a car. I having impulse movements right now. I’m so fucking suicidal right now.

My family, and friend had told to believe to that she does care about me. The thing she has a boyfriend, however she tell that was thinking having an open relationship and she pansexaul. My co workers kept telling to make a move and my mom was hoping she just leave her boyfriend. Then people kept telling me that had feeling for her. However, try kept my feeling control and stay just friends.

Their was issue of driving an hour to see her, especially with gas, then me and girl going different skate parks. It some 3 hours of driving. I did not get much gas money from her. And if just i was the boyfriend without the sex.

However, she kept telling that she does appreciate it, that I was closing friend. She told me a lot personal stuff and she is the type to tell the truth.

I would get supper depressed, she would try ensure me I’m an good person that trying his best and telling I was good skater. She would say I need more confidence in myself and be less hard on myself.

She kept trying to tell me these things, however she felt like never can make feel better. She also going a lot her own personal shit and that tell give her space. She told she appreciate the honesty. She kept telling I need to take care of myself and that my self is most important.

I foolish to believe she does care about me, that if I did commit suicide that she would be heartbroken. Please just tell that she care about, so I can move on.

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I think everyone would agree with this. When someone isn’t interested romantically in you it just means that you’re incompatible, it has nothing to do with your value as a person. She was your friend and she treated you like one, but she wasn’t interested romantically and that’s just something that happens. Friends pay for gas and do special things for each other. You don’t have to be in a relationship to do those things for someone.

You won’t be for everyone and not everyone will be for you. It isn’t a reflection of either one’s value.

I know how gut wrenching it is to loose a favorite person, I’ve been there before. If you can use your DBT skills and listen to your therapist and family you will heal over time. There will be many people that will come in and out of your life and I’m pretty confident that you will meet someone who is everything this girl was for you and who will love you back.

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