I’m a bi guy and I have recently been feeling a lot better about my appearance & self-confidence & sexuality and I’ve been trying to date. I’m young and cute so I’ve been getting lots of likes/matches, although entirely from men since I’m very effeminate. Every single guy I’ve talked to in the last month has been rude, hypersexual, and/or fetishized me, or they have ghosted me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’m being polite and playful, gently flirty, and asking them questions about themselves. I liked one guy a lot and he told me he was gonna call me a week ago, and then he blocked me. I want to meet people IRL but I have lots of social anxiety and get really scared of crowds and public places. I wouldn’t even know where to start, I’ve never dated anyone before. I just feel so dumb and ugly again. It makes me feel gross with myself that the only people who are telling me I’m gorgeous and hot, the only people who are validating my identity, are repulsive and don’t care about me
@kct - the journey you are on is brave, and the most powerful thing you will ever in your life. Stepping into the world, whilst accepting and embracing your own identity is courageous, and the right person will notice this. Please remember that your worth and value don’t matter more or less based on how others treat you. Every human has inherent worth, yourself included.
Body-positivity is a massive achievement. I myself do not feel content with my own body, do reading your post gives me hope! Confidence radiates, and it’s only natural to attract attention when this happens. Sadly, online dating isn’t always positive, and sometimes brings our strange behaviour in people. This doesn’t mean you deserve any less affection or support.
You have wonderful qualities, and I hope I can reassure you by saying that those qualities will shine brightly to the right people at the right time. The problem lies not with you, but with those who fail to see and appreciate the real you beyond superficial attraction.
As you are young and effeminate, it’s sadly the reality that you may attract people who see parts of your identity as a fetish. Many people in the LGBTQIA+ community face similar issues. Again don’t let this rid you if your worth or beauty. It’s essential to hold out for those who see you for all that you are and who treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve.
Those who ghost you or are rude are not reflections on you as a person. Rather, it shows that these people have no respect or integrity, and are not worthy of a place in your life. When a genuine connection is formed, it’s painful when this happens, but take it as a lesson to be learned each time. Some people just aren’t ready for what you have to offer.
When meeting people in real life, always start small. Meet people in small spaces rather than large crowds. Going to the local cafe is sufficient enough. LGBTQ+ support groups, hobby clubs, or low-key community events can be great places to start. These environments tend to be more supportive and less overwhelming than typical dating scenes.
Please be gentle with yourself. You aren’t dumb, ugly or gross. You do deserve love and respect, and a few bad experiences shouldn’t dampen your spirits. The right people will be drawn to you in their own time and ways. Keep holding on to hope!
Always see the beauty in your journey!
This sounds so difficult my friend. While I dont have any experience really dating via apps, I have had some experience with dating in general - Dating feels so awful - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 24 July 2024 | Loom
Hi Dyllon. I certainly wasn’t expecting a video, thank you for validating that other people’s attitudes aren’t my fault in this scenario. It just feels overwhelmingly disappointing. I’ve since been lucky to meet 2 guys who are nice and I have a lot in common with, and it has been wonderful to make friends with them. I’m not sure I’m going to wind up dating either of them, but they’re both sweethearts and I am glad I met them. I’m meeting one of them for the third time in person tomorrow. Thank you for sharing about yourself; I have attachment and trust issues, homophobic parents, and have never had a long term relationship, so this whole searching-for-a-partner thing has felt quite scary. But I think I’ll be okay.
Dating is hard. It is not your fault. There are many people who are out for sex and not interested in a relationship. Keep being true to yourself. Don’t settle for what little these men are willing to give. Keep looking for that one person who will want to be with you forever. Keep being you.
From chatbavard: I’m sorry to hear that, you haven’t done anything wrong some people just want sex and that’s all.
There are persons who want commitment and a relationship out there don’t lose hope!