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Day 13 (ending)

Where do I start, well to begin with I had no plan like I’ve had these last days because honestly I had nothing to do untill 12 noon for my meeting and work.walking today I felt that my moods determines the genre of music.i mostly listen too ,lately,Morgan wallen…his way of talking about drinking …weirdly helps me remember things about my past drunken runs and reminds me where I am today,(okmood),if I’m angry and just don’t no what to do it’s either suicide boys,or something with a breakdown so abrupt the acacia strain would thumbs up.and if I’m determined to change(in seriously mode)it’s silent planet,currents,a lot of motivation ,words of wisdom kind of stuff…I felt overwhelmed with uncertainty of a issue I’m having with my self.and because if I’m not rigorously honest with my self and others …I felt how can I change if I don’t change myself…I found myself walking telling whoever it is up there or in front of me guiding my way till noon to take of of this for me…so after conversation with my mother and close friend I found myself at the coffee shop I’ve been retreating to before my meeting for a cup of well needed coffee…and it’s sooo good.codos to Columbian coffee!!!.I went out side on there patio and before u no it,my sponcer texts me say good morning how are u?..I replied simple and gestered back and he sent me something that helped him thru his recovery.now I’ve been reading and underlining ,highlighting words I did not understand thru out this process and it was about what Ive learned previously,so…with headphones in I clicked the link and dove into to greatly detailed track of recovery and how it came to be.
I’ve come to realize today that I am actually comprehending what I am hearing…laughing,becoming seriously when the audio turned imperative, cognitively understanding,before you no it…it was 1030 and I did not know where the time went ,…something’s different…confused I decided to head to my next commitment.myself.i heard from someone that if u are here today and it’s not going well in this commitment and can’t here the message being talked about…then maybe u weren’t listening…that’s ok… anonymously and the word derived from was topic…what I gathered today is that someone’s anonymity is very important even when a resentment is present against them…it was hard to grasp even with the resentment I have…I let that go today and told my what ever is it ,or who to take over it…I found myself questioning myself…there’s really nothing wrong today…I did cry today but it was ok I felt,I’m learning about me…I couldn’t compliant to myself…is this shit working for real…me being sober handing my issues to something greater then myself, working??? or do I need to keeping coming…I keep thinking about Tom Hanks when he said “your on top of the world,this to shall pass…your in the dumps and don’t no a way out…this to shall pass…” and hell yeah I wanna keep going…this understanding that my life was unmanageable,and I am utterly powerless over alcohol ,and multiple over things…is becoming more and more apparent…it’s like I’m unsure what’s going on…not trying to tute my own horn but…I felt noisy today if u catch my drift …I’m still stopping myself continuously ,telling myself let it go,worry about right now…the now and what I am doing at this moment…focus ur doing this or that…
Ending today was good.maybe I just had a good day…not to stressful…but something tells me to be aware…it’s unsettling.

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It sounds like you’ve made progress in the sense that you’re taking on board the words people are sharing with you and using them to improve yourself! That’s not always easy to do, and so I really commend you for that!
I know it can feel like there’s a lingering feeling that something could potentially go wrong or something could trigger you to fall back to old habits. That’s why it’s so important to remain immersed in engaging with your supports. Even when you feel you have things working for you and don’t necessarily need them, it’s always good to stay connected. Not expecting something to go wrong, but at least you know you have good people around you to keep you safe.

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Congratulations on your progress. It sounds like you’re getting to know a lot about yourself for the first time. Every day of sobriety builds strength. The more you know about yourself, the more aware you will be of what triggers self-defeating thoughts. Don’t fight the thoughts or try to suppress them. Instead, take a really close look at them… stare them down. Recognize them for what they are - illusions that were formed when you were less aware of what is real.

Yes and yes. You aren’t suddenly perfect. You still need help to reinforce your motivation, and to remain grounded in a non-addicted life. One of the best things about freedom from addiction is that you can experience genuine love, rather than addictive co-dependency.

Crying is therapeutic. It helps balance brain chemistry and release pent up feelings. Crying can come with gratitude too.

Yeah, sometimes it’s necessary to lean into the storm. It’s unsettling to realize storms will come, but you can be settled in the awareness that you’ll survive them.

Walking, music, coffee, good stuff! When turning away from a negative habit, it’s best to find an alternative activity. For me, it was lots of exercise, small projects, and reading.

You can only affect the present. That’s where your decisions have power. That’s where future possibilities are created. If circumstances start to feel overwhelming, just remember, you’re free to only focus on the present moment, and the decisions available at that time. Ask for help when you need it. Others find fulfillment in helping you.

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