To begin this entry I want to say thank you to heart support. And thank you for everyone who’s been actually reading these things I’ve been writing about you know becoming clean and, becoming the person that maybe I should have been years ago. Today was actually a really good day now that I found work and a possibility to make money like how I used to, it does help a lot but I also have to keep remembering that more money becomes more temptation. After today I was kind of thrown back a little bit. A woman that asked for my phone number today. I didn’t know how to act towards it I felt very anxious very scared very unaware that, that was actually a possibility. I had no means of giving my phone number or shown any interest whatsoever but it happened. Even though I do know that I can’t get into a relationship right now it just felt good to know that someone was actually interested in me. After being in a 6-year toxic relationship that I contributed in I have to realize that being in a relationship right now isn’t the smartest thing at all. So I’m a little scared about it. I am now on my fourth step when it comes to my sobriety and I’m supposed to meet with my sponsor either Monday or Tuesday to be showing how to do it. A lot of people in this fellowship seem to say that this is a very hard step but I’m not going to sit around and pick my nose over it. I’m very grateful and blessed today to have the people and the support system that you guys have given me. It’s almost like I have a second family and being bombed with all the love and support, the comments and everything of that nature it’s very comforting. I’m finding myself having appreciation for everything that I have now I mean even when it comes to what I’m watching on TV some of my favorite movies I’m rewatching them in a new experience and it’s really different for me. I actually feel like I’m finding myself for once. I really can’t complain about anything right now which is weird…
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All good news! I can’t advise about the woman though. Being nervous is understandable, especially when you’re in the process of changing your life. At the same time, she may be part of it. Still, there’s no need to rush into anything with her.
One thing about step 4 is, taking responsibility, acknowledges the ability to control much of your life, rather than having circumstances control you. It acknowledges personal liberty, and the ability to respond to a moral inventory by making choices that are of benefit to yourself and others.
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