Day 43 (stirring the pot)

I begin my day with no cigarettes,so I got a pack of cigarettes and a coffee and I thoroughly started going through everything in my head and come to the realization I’m depressed. My last posts have been nothing more than kind of positive but today feels so much different. Starting to realize that my priorities are becoming more Paramount and allittle bit farther for me to reach. With everything going on, I do understand that I need to stay sober.And that being sober is harder than I thought. Starting to give up on positive habits because of the time frames I have. Trying to help the family, balancing work, hitting AA meetings, it’s all really hard. I know I have to take one day at a time but planning and organizing I’m starting to feel like a unrelenting task as well. It’s almost like putting together a Sudoku puzzle that you don’t know how to do. I’m just trying to figure this out.and given myself a headache, today’s a lot different than my last days but I do still have this perseverance in me to keep pushing forward so I think that’s what I got to do. for everyone reading these today, I feel like I need those positive vibes. That unrelenting love you guys have for me and support that’s been lifting me up. Thank you guys for being here for me today.

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We’re here for you @Ryan1 !

It’s a full plate you’ve got there, and I’m cheering hard for you. It’s worth it every day when you keep making the choice to stay sober.

Keep reaching out here, give voice to what is going on with you, let others know and help when they can too. I’m proud of you, friend, and i know it’s not easy. Keep on keeping on :slight_smile:
You got this friend!

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From: susieqzz

The road of recovery is tough, and you are bound to have days (maybe even longer than days!) like this. It’s even harder when it hits after you’ve been so positive for so long with a bright view on everything. Then all of the sudden, it dips. I always like to remember that recovery is not linear, there are ups and downs, bumps in the road, it’s a rocky journey! I think having periods of lows like that just means you are on the up and up still and you are doing recovery right, especially since you still have the perserverence in you to keep going. I’m sending you all the positive vibes I have, you are strong and you can push through this! Keep on going. We are here for you.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

My Dear friend Ryan, I wanted to keep your post for swat so we could all collectively send our love and support your way

You have done so incredibly well every single day you have worked hard on your sobriety and keeping yourself together but of course that is difficult and occasionally you are going to hit a bump and its gonna hurt and thank goodness you are in a place where you have people to lean on and you my friend have many of us to lean on.

I hope today was better than yesterday and that tomorrow is better still but if not come and talk to us, you know you can message me anytime and Heartsupport is always open to you. These rough days are going to come and go, as long as the good outweigh the bad your winning right? Take care for now. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Ryan1, sounds like you hit a rough patch in your recovery. I remember the year of rehab I did back in 2006-07 and can relate. You have this excitement about being clean and its awesome to have a new lease on life. Then, life hits and things just get really hard. I’ve been there too. You’ve done so well so far and I hope that you can figure out some type of schedule where you can work in your recovery. To create a healthy balance between the both. You can schedule in meetings etc. You’re doing great and we are so proud of you! ~Mystrose

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Hey @Ryan1,

You are hitting an obstacle on your recovery, but you keep describing it so powerfully. I hope journaling about your thoughts and emotions keep helping you, even if there are days when it might seem less useful than others. It’s still a healthy action to take and we are all very proud of you for it.

Man, you’ve described something I’ve been feeling a lot throughout the years, and even more ever since I’ve started to work on my own struggles. Somehow, a part of us knows that it’s going to be hard, but I guess we still hope to find some relief soon. At some point we are faced with this hard truth that sometimes recovery is harder. It digs deep, it’s tough, it hurts, it feels like being balanced through multiple walls over and over and over… When does it stop? Asking ourselves this is a crucial time as it can manifest more vulnerability than usual. It becomes tempting to give up… so please rely on ALL that has been helping you so far. All the love, the truths, the good feelings. Re-read your very own words through your posts on the forum, because it is the testimony of how much strength there is within you, and how brave you are.

This journey is freaking exhausting. Although this can be an opportunity to learn: there is a middle ground between self-care/healing that would be too intense and doing nothing or even relapsing. In your own healing, there are basic needs - things that keep you afloat, help you functioning - and there’s everything else that helps you dig deeper, learn, grow, heal some wounds. If today you just need to function then it is okay to slow down and take a break. Never a break from your own safety, but from this giant to-do list that feels like a constant sudoku. Self-care sometimes becomes a real chore. Through all the things you have to do right now though, maybe there are some commitments that you can put aside for a bit. One day at a time also means being patient with yourself and not trying to do too much at once. Once one type of progress is solidified, it will consume less energy - and you will have naturally more to work on something else at the same time.

AA Meetings are still a priority. It’s a foundation at the moment in your life. But can you limit the help you provide to your family? Can you be a facilitator to them rather than a helper, at least for now? As for work, could you reduce a bit your commitments as well, or rely on colleagues? Teamwork can be a great asset when there’s a lot on our plate! I know it might be difficult as you’ve just started this job, but please keep in mind that there is a normal learning curve at first. You can’t be able to do everything at once. You can’t be an absolute performer at the beginning, even if you want to give a full impression or commit fully to something that makes you happy. Take your time. Be patient with yourself. Eventually, sit down and write down all the things that are part of this sudoku of yours, and see what you could 1/ get rid of, even just temporarily, +2/ change in nature (make it less difficult, less stressful, less complex…). Remember, you don’t have to be perfect, and you are already doing a really good job. :hrtlegolove:

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Hello Ryan,
I’m pretty new here but from what I understand you have made a lot of progress and are very strong. You should be so proud of yourself! When you feel so overwhelmed from all the everyday responsibilities, try to remind yourself of everything you have accomplished and get lifted up by these thoughts. 43 days is a huge achievement. But maybe you also need to be patient with yourself and give yourself time, don’t overstrain yourself if it might jeopardize your sobriety. If you need more support from your friends and family, don’t hesitate to ask for it. It is hard, but you can do it! :slight_smile:

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@Micro @Solemnis @Sita @DiscordReply @Lisalovesfeathers @ROSIE @susieqzz

It’s these words that keep me from relapsing,it’s heart support ,AA, music,work,family (which all of y’all are very much apart of.chabge isn’t the only thing in my pockets.the best is yet to come.thank you guys for acknowledging my struggles.thank you for having this platform,journaling or just writing down how I feel help immensely.thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!..will give updates soon!!!

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