Deadlines incoming, not ready for them

The title explains it pretty well. I have two deadlines coming up on February 1st. The first is the more straightforward, it’s to do with school. Ever since the start of this quarter English class has been a struggle. We’re meant to do assignments related to Shakespeare, but I just can’t stay focused on it for any meaningful amount of time. I’ve failed to get anything done ever since we started on that unit. I’ve asked for alternative work but apparently it’s mandatory. I would go in to how I disagree with literature being mandatory and nobody mandating English language classes, but I want to stay somewhat concise. So to recap, school is being difficult and I’ve pretty much given up on it.

Second issue is causing a lot more weight on my shoulders. This first semester I’ve had a very pleasant time in my tech class. Loved every moment of it. Some days it was reason to get up in the morning. The second semester threatens to change this. It’s one of those feelings of impending doom that I know so well. I’m aware that’s an exaggeration, but it’s the best way to explain. One of my more recent posts mentions L (I think, if I’m consistent with how I use these letters). They’re going to be coming back to tech class at the start of the semester and I’m not prepared for that. They want to just simply make things back to the way they were and not address anything. I’ve given chances but they just seemed to have been tossed away. Before they seemingly gave up on it they would send occasional messages to me that I wanted nothing to do with. I was told by a reliable source that those attempts at starting conversation was supposed to be them putting in effort to try to get things back, but I don’t see how ignoring the problem is trying. I also heard that it’s now their plan to wait until the turn of the semester to talk with me, and I would like to avoid that by any means (preferably comfortable ones but I’ve been known to go to an extreme or two to avoid such things). Having it be in person would not do me any favors.

Both situations seem completely hopeless. I’m not getting work done in good time, and I don’t see that changing. Especially since the deadline is so close, and is closing in every moment I sit here not making progress. Even if I do get things done by some miracle I’m still going to have to deal with attempting to get out of going to tech come February. I’ve tried to work things out with a mutual friend as a messenger of sorts but it’s hard on them and I don’t want to put them through that any more. Talking directly is off the table as well, there’s no way I can get myself to do such a thing. I have plenty of people to support me fortunately, but none of them can do anything about it. So am I in the wrong on any of this? What can I do to fix these problems before February?

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It can feel so hopeless to be in a situation where you feel like you’ve sussed out all of the options, and yet there’s no real path forward. And for both of them to have such weighty consequences…for one to have the consequence of your schooling and the other to have the consequence of a relationship with a friend and a class you truly enjoy…it’s brutal to feel like there’s nothing you can do to better those situations…despite having tried many different avenues of reconciliation, and despite having thought through many different ways you could try to get out of the Shakespeare bit…it doesn’t feel for lack of effort, which is even worse for hope, because it feels like – what could I try that I haven’t? And in that sense, you feel truly stuck.

You don’t want to fail, but you don’t want to do the assignment.
You don’t want to lose the friend or the class, but you’ve tried and failed to reconcile.

Feels like…what now besides spend the next two months in anxiety waiting for a miserable cascade of events? And that anxiety is brutal. Takes the misery of that pending moment and stretches it out over weeks…freaking sucks.

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