Dealing with a Death

HeartSupport Support
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Hi everyone I’m posting on here again after a rough week and some stuff that went down while I was at warped tour. To do that I need to go back to a couple weeks ago…

I was driving in my car when I was with my girlfriend in California, I had received a text from my boss at work letting me know of some terrible news that one of our former associates had died in a car accident. I was like this could have been anyone? Who could it have been? I found out later that it was a person who’s name I shall keep private for the family’s sake. She was someone who I’d gone to school with. Very neat gal and very smart. The world will miss her. I’ll miss her.

She was killed in a brutal motorcycle accident and that is a big deal because that doesn’t happen often where I’m from. I found all of this out the day before I had to put my brave face on for volunteering at HeartSupport in Mountain View. I even hid this from my girlfriend and I know she isn’t happy with me for it but I needed time to heal.

Flash forward to today, the job where I work we have a print center where they print all sorts of stuff. It just so happens that the family was having the memorial printed there. The family was all crying when they brought in her photos. When you work retail, you are supposed to put on the brave face and just roll with it. I couldn’t do that and I felt powerless. I had to take a 10 minute break because it was that bad. I would have broken down in front of customers. That doesn’t look good but at that moment I just felt powerless and helpless. You would think someone who I used to know wouldn’t cause me this grief I feel. They do though.

This is not the first time I’ve dealt with this in my lifetime. 17 years of my life has been filled with people who have either taken their own life or had an accident that cost them their life. In those moments I want to help them but I know that I couldn’t and I can’t help but feel ashamed. I can’t help but feel that I don’t know how to deal with grief that well. I just wish that there was something I could have done to help out that family in that moment but I was helpless. I was frozen in position even as the walked past me. They were heartbroken and I just wanted to say one thing but my mind wouldn’t let me.

Hence why I’m venting here. I guess my healing process isn’t quite done yet. I still have a lot to recover from and if there was an easy answer for all of it I would take it in a heartbeat. Encouragement and good vibes are much appreciated.

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@PMacDanceDude I’m sorry to hear about this. I’m glad that you feel like you can talk to your girlfriend even if it does take you a little while. Sometimes we give all our energy to people and they just don’t want to get better. Healing and recovery is a long process - you can get through this though. You are helping so many people through their recovery just by sharing your story here. You ARE helping people. You’re stronger than this and we are with you throughout your entire recovery <3

Hold Fast
Kayla

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Hey.
What you are going through sounds really hard. Death is a hard thing to process, no matter how close they are to you. You thinking about that family, is sending positivity. Maybe it isn’t spoken, but it doesn’t always have to be. If you want to extend your support to them, do it, but do not guilt/shame yourself for not saying anything.
Healing takes ages. I know this all too well. My healing from past traumas are still not done. Give yourself the time you need. The easy answer isn’t an answer at all. Sometimes there are no answers, sometimes it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other and having faith that things will change.

I hope you see what I am trying to say. Sending you much love and support. Hope this made sense.

Hugs
Pale

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Hey @PMacDanceDude,

Encouragement and good vibes are definitely being sent your way. I’m terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for reaching out - talking to people about your struggles is one of the first steps in healing. Time will help mend your wound, and in the meantime I’d suggest searching for a mentor/accountability partner and/or a licensed counselor to talk to. They can help give you extra tools that you can use in order to cope with the pain that you’re feeling from losing a loved one. There are seasons of mourning, and it’s healthy to let it all out. Remember her for her smile, and know that she’s in a better place. She wouldn’t want you to be sad. You’re strong, and we’re here for you.

-Eric

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