Back to heartsupport

Dealing with a loss

Found out this afternoon that one of my siblings overdose and passed away. I am now hit with the responsibility of letting the other siblings know what happened. I can hardly process it myself and now the weight of having to tell the younger ones is hard. Feel like this could have been prevented if I stepped in and did something to help him out but I didn’t soon enough and it has ended this way and I feel terrible I should have taken action sooner to prevent it getting to were it got to. Just so lost and feel hopeless at this point and feel like I’ve let people down.

-Adam

6 Likes

Oh Adam, I’m so sorry. This is horrible. I’m sending love in the hopes that my reply can help you even the tiniest bit.

Right now I just want you to know that it’s okay to be struggling. What you’re feeling matters and you deserve the space to process this. I know you’re blaming yourself, but I promise you that isn’t warranted. Would it be fair to blame your siblings for this? The what-ifs are incredibly hard to cope with in a time like this but you don’t deserve the punishment, especially when this is already so hard. Right now the person you’re most able to help and who needs saving the most is you, and it’s okay to direct some love at yourself. I hope you’ll give yourself that, because you matter too.

Having to tell your siblings is going to be painful for you both, but I also hope that could be a source of strength. You can help each other to process and get through this together. You can be there for one another, and I think that’s a very good thing.

I promise you that you haven’t failed. Life is often incredibly tragic, like gut-wrenchingly, horribly so, and I don’t know what in your own life has led you to feel like it’s your role to save people from that but I know that that isn’t the only thing that gives you value. You’re valuable for so many reasons, and your big heart is just one of them.

I really hope you’ll find a way to cope with this in time. You truly deserve that. Sending hugs, I’ll be right here if you want to talk more. You can share whatever you like, I’m sure there’s lots on your mind and I’d encourage you to get it out in a way that feels right to you. Big love Adam.

Ricky

3 Likes

From: Mamadien

Adam, I am so very sorry for your loss. How difficult and painful this must be for you. Please know that you are not alone and we are here for you and with you through this incredibly difficult time. An overdose is such a difficult thing to prevent and I understand the feeling of thinking you might have kept this from happening. But please don’t do that to yourself, it’s not your fault that this happened. I wish for you to have strength and peace as you talk with your siblings and go through this grieving process. We are here for you and you are loved much by this community. It’s a safe place to come and say whatever you need to say. Again, I’m so sorry. You are loved.

4 Likes

From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi Adam. I am so sorry that you have to go through such a terrible thing as a loss of a loved one for the second time. I know it must be very hard for you right now and I want you to know that we are here for you. Whenever you need support you can always go here ok. Take all the time you need to grief and process whaT happened. Get all the help you need, you dont have to go through this alone. You need help. Getting help from a professional is very important not just for you but for all your siblings as well. Its not your fault what happened. I know you feel responsible but the truth is that we cant make choices for other people. We cant be always there for them when they need to even though we want to. I know its hard to hear this. I know you are hurting. You dont deserve to go through so much pain and sorrow. I hope you and your siblings will get the help you need. Hang in there friend :heart:

3 Likes

Hallos! Im so incrediblly sorry for you’re loss its the worse when you go through it. I know for a fact having to tell people about the tragic death can be very tough. But it’s best if you come clean to them to be honest it will be tough. But will be tougher having to keep the secret of the tragity.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard this must all be for you and the absolute pressure that’s on you. It’s not fair to have to see someone young go, and it’s not fair bearing the burden to be the one who has to look after everyone when you’re young either.
Please don’t let guilt be the present thought. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, but you can’t control what happens to people, how they live their life or who they are as much as you love them and want better for them.
Take comfort knowing you did love them and that even though this happened, they loved you too. Addiction is such a hard thing to break free from and it feels like it just over takes everything, but it doesn’t mean they don’t want better too. They probably also carried heavy guilt and it would be so wonderful if we could protect each other from the addictions and other things in this world.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. You don’t have to be the strong hero for everyone, you’re allowed to feel what you need.
Thinking of you