12 year relationship ended two months ago. Within 7 weeks he got someone pregnant. If not for the living, soon-to-be-breathing reminder, I MIGHT have been able to forgive and forget. Now, he is tied to this woman forever and I have no interest in this woman being in my life, even peripherally. He is now saying “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t talk to me about this.” I refuse. I’ve looked up how to deal with emotional blackmail, but if anyone has advice or pointers on how to cope, I’d appreciate it. My physical health can be impacted by stress, and I don’t wish to put my life in jeopardy over drama that doesn’t even belong to me. Thanks, all. Hugs
my dear friend,
I’m glad you shared this here! This is certainly not an easy position to be in, and i just wanna remind you that taking care of yourself, your health and wellbeing is NOT selfish! It’s caring for yourself and that is crucial, it’s survival. He made his choices, and those are his consequences to live with.
The end of a long term relationship is never easy, but it sounds like these actions are giving you great reasons to make a clean break. I’m sorry that he is trying to emotionally blackmail with those kinds of threats. YOU are ultimately not responsible for his choices, and it is awful for someone to try to lock you into a relationship with those kinds of threats.
How I would deal with it? Email/message him a LONG list of resources for suicidal persons. hotline number, etc, tell him that he has made his choices and you both need to live with the consequences of all the decisions made. Wish him well, tell him you hope his new lady friend and baby will be healthy and help him through his rough time, and ask that he not contact you again because of your health condition that he is well aware of. Then I’d block him on every platform and focus on your own self-care and health.
hugs we’re here for you, my friend!
Unfortunately there are no clear laws when it comes to the emotional abuse of someone. It’s a horror story to those who are in it, however.
I’m so so proud of you for taking a stand for yourself. His continuing tactics are very sad and maybe concerning.
If you feel he really would be a threat to himself then, like Sita suggested, you could consider calling external assistance for him. That way you don’t have to directly be involved and he either accepts the help or has a bruised ego that you didn’t bend to his will. You’re not doing it for him or to prove your love for him, and you’re not responsible for how he acts or reacts.
There’s a huge difference between the patterns of being suicidal and the pattern of threats. If need be there are always resources for him to find and reach out to, ultimately his actions are not and will never be a result of your own actions, especially when it comes to your own mental and physical well being.
He doesn’t want to admit to his wrong doings and therefore wants to find someone to throw the blame back on. Maybe he’s been subtly or not subtly doing this to you over the years.
If you have concerns for your own safety, then please consider writing every message down/saving it. Time and date stamps. Nothing is too insignificant when it comes to your own safety. Talk to your friends, family, therapist- whoever your support circle is. That way if he tries to reach out to you, you can ask them to support you and check in on you to make sure you’re safe and aren’t physically or emotionally distressed.
You’re not longer an emotional hostage.
just checking up on you and making sure you’re doing okay. If you have updates and want to talk about them, we are here to listen -Bimini
Hello Friend, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this. Cheating is a big no no no on it’s own let alone getting someone pregnant. I think you were right to leave and I hope that he wasn’t being serious about killing his self. That’s the last big desperate act to get someone back and it’s a pretty messed up thing to do. I think if it was me, I would probably give him a couple phone numbers to call for help (just in case) and just stay out of his life. I hope that you find peace in all this. ~Mystrose
Hi friend, thank you so much for your post, I am so dreadfully sorry for this situation that you have found yourself in, no one has the right to blackmail anyone else regarding their emotions or feelings and you would have every right to tell him to do one, however that is difficult and that is exactly why its done. Saying that, if your wanted to end his life and I hope he dosesnt, that would indeed be his choice and nothing to do with you or any decision you make. You have your own life and happiness to consider and he has his, You are responsible for only your own happiness. by all means offer a crisis line number to him or indeed give him the address of us here and we will always talk to him but you need to keep yourself happy and healthy and if that is without him then so be it. I truly with you well and want only the very best for you. Much Love friend. Lisa xx
Hey there, definitely sorry to hear about the unfortunate situation with your former partner. Trying to back you into a corner by threatening to kill himself sucks and is not right by you. You certainly deserve someone who will care about you and treat you with respect versus dishing emotional blackmail over something that really shouldn’t even involve you. Is there someone who can help you maybe sort this out for yourself? You deserve real happiness for yourself as does your former partner and nothing with the current sitation should change that for either of you. Either way we are here for you, love you, and see you through all this.