Hi new here and excuse my grammar please but I have been dealing with depression on and off for the last several months right after my dog of 14 years died in July. She was my rock as I don’t have friends but I do have people I talk to like my family and co-workers. She had gotten very bad in the last year as her hip/spinal issue progressed to near paralysis and she suffered several seizures in one day. Later that night, we had her put to sleep as I felt it was the best decision considering her prognosis but I still sometimes struggle with the decision I made because of how much I miss her especially in times like this.
I’m not really sure if her loss has something to do with it but lately, actually over several months, I have been slipping in deep depression over several things including being lonely and wondering why I’m even here as I’m ugly as sin, I’m almost 32, hearing impaired/deaf, the only thing I have going for me is my job, and I have been crushing hard over a certain someone that makes me even more depressed because it’s off limits for good reason but I wish I just had a way to lessen those feelings for someone I know but I can’t pursue(I don’t want to state why as I don’t want to give out too much info. I feel that maybe without having emotional support like my dog, I have also turned to drinking a couple of times to the point I crash because I rarely if at all drink and also took a large xanax pill to put myself to sleep one day recently because it’s been too much lately.
I went to the beach recently and all I could think about how lonely I was(I went by myself, usually do because like I said, I have no friends or a girlfriend), contemplated jumping off the balcony because I’m just tired of it and I just hate my life right now because I’m still single at my age, I don’t pursue my crushes for various reasons, and all I do is work.
That’s all I have to say.