Dealing with dark intense thoughts

It been almost I say 3 month that still struggle of my close female friend left me. It seem like everything time I get close to women, they all just run away or just don’t want anything to do with me. I feel women think me a wirdo or just different. I get really dark evil thought of destroy my ex friend life.

Sometime I want message on Instagram and saying “if you don’t respond to my message I’m going to end my life and post it on Instagram to show the world how of asshole you are”. Because I want to hurt her how she hurt me, I want to make her feel like shit for hurting me and leaving me. I’m so angry at her because she broke my heart. I don’t have a lot friends to hang with, I’m 31 virgin that live with his parents and no girlfriend.

I told her awhile I had romantic feelings, however the issue was she has a boyfriend. But she also was thinking she being in open relationship. It just really complicated, I don’t should never told her that or never even got close.

The monster inside ( my shadow “ Carl yung”) want to hurt her so bad, that she remember it. But I know my soul tell it moral wrong. I hate myself of having these fuck up thought and emotions. I just punch walls, I just punch myself in face or cut myself.

I’m been going DBT therapy and regular therapy. They both have trying their best help me and move on.

But I can never move on from her, I can’t let her go. I love as a person too much, I fear our friendship was lie and that why I can’t move on. I wish sometime I had never met her. Cause I know going die alone.

Which I should be ashamed about it, I know it okay to be a virgin and not have sex. I want be at peace with myself without anyone help. I want not be so anger at people or resent them. My mind just been fuck up so many time and I’m scare of my own self.

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I think you probably already realize, that it doesn’t work that way. It’s totally unfair to use such a method to control another person. Regardless of how intense your feelings are, she is not responsible for causing your obsession.

I think that’s your current way of identifying the emotion that you are experiencing. However, I suspect that the emotion behind those thoughts, is an intense wish that things were different, and that you wish there was something you could do to change the way things are.

In truth, she is not causing your anger. Can you really be angry with her for doing what she believes she needs to? I’m pretty sure that your heart wants the best for her, even if you are not part of her life.

A college professor in my distant past, told the class that guys never get over their lost loves. I thought about that a lot, and decided that he’s probably right. I can look back at every single lost romance, and still feel a longing for an opportunity to at least give them a hug. The feelings may not go away, but they do move into the background over time. As long as you spend time thinking about the loss, it will feel intense.

If it was a lie, it’s a case of moving on from something that lacked value, which should make it easier to accept its absence.

I don’t think it was a lie. After some time has passed, you will remember more of the good feelings shared, and glad it happened.

Love supports her freedom. Not being able to let her go indicates obsession. Love and obsession are ultimately incompatible.

Does your therapy include meditation or relaxation techniques?

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I see you growing in wisdom, and becoming better at managing your life. At the same time, I appreciate that you trust us enough to share your troubling feelings. Wings

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How do you know that she isn’t hurting too? She obviously cared about you (as a friend), because she gave you her time and said a lot of nice things to you. She made you feel good and that’s what friends do for each other.

She may have talked about an open relationship, but she may have not meant with you. She may have been just sharing with you her thoughts because you were a trusted friend.

When you’re in a relationship and have a friend who tells you that they have feelings for you, it’s not really appropriate to continue spending time alone with that person. She did what she needed to do, because she didn’t want to lead you on or give you the wrong idea. In her situation, she didn’t have a choice and I’m sure it was very hard for her to do.

@wings said a lot of things that I think you should really think about.

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