Hope you’re well.
At the end of April, this year, I lost my Grandad to some nasty illnesses and then tonight, 2 months on, I get the news that I’ve lost my Grandmother.
Dealing with my Grandad’s death wasn’t easy but it was manageable. He was a much-loved man with a lot of accomplishments in life. I have so many stories about him if anyone wants to listen. One story involves a bravery award from the Queen!!
But losing my Grandma is such a massive blow to me. I can’t even begin to describe the pain. It just hurts, Yaknow? She was my best friend. She was always my go-to for a conversation. I’d call her every day without fail just to talk about rubbish. Sometimes we’d both be quiet for a few minutes whilst we thought of something to say… Just because we wanted to talk about something.
About 6 years ago, I went down a bad path with alcohol. I made some bad choices. I ended up moving in with her. It took 5 years of recovery but she helped me. She made me the man I am today. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for her.
It’s been about 3 and a half hours since her passing and I’m feeling so many emotions. I know everyone deals with grief in different ways and I know that I shouldn’t feel this way but… I feel selfish for being so upset.
My partner has been understanding to a certain point but her autism makes it difficult to deal with my situation so I’m seeking another outlet, hence why I’m here.
I don’t know what it is exactly I’m looking for. I don’t know what it is I want to gain from posting here. I guess I just want to stop crying. I want someone to tell me how I need to act… What I need to think about and what I need to say. I feel weak. I feel empty. I’ve lost my best friend and it hurts.
Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
When it come to grief there’s no one way to go through it. Crying’s fine, crying when you don’t expect to is fine, not crying is fine. It’s a process, and I’d say, because of your closeness to your Grandma you’re very new in your grief.
This is a good place to share your process and your memories. Since the day I moved away from home, my mom sent me mail once a week, sometimes just a few coupons and a scribbled note. It’s something I think about every time I go to get the mail, and she’s been gone for four years now. On occasion I tear up about it, but now it’s mostly a good memory. It’s a process.
Do you have other supports than your partner? Is your sobriety stable? There may be grief support groups near you that you might find helpful.
If you want, post some memories here~I think it helps heal the hurt
I’d call my mom when I went to any new place, up to today I still reach for my phone sometimes and it’s been years.
Feel your feelings, if you can. For me, I had a ton pf paperwork and running around to do the next day, so that kept me busy. Someone told me to remember to eat, and that honestly was some of the best advice I got because it was so easy to not want to do things except curl up and cry.
Do you have something of hers you can keep with you as a source of comfort? That helped me too. I had tons of rites to do, so didn’t really get to grieve alone until like a week or two afterwards, talking about her helped, and I encourage you to share it all here. Funny stories, memories, your sadness, your anger, whatever you need to express.
I hope that your sobriety is stable too. Talk to people, reach out to family and friends if you can, or grief support like Catherine suggested.
So sorry for your loss, friend.
I’m glad she saw you become the man you are today, i’m sure she was proud of you!