Back to heartsupport

Dealing with lonliness


#1

Something that I haven’t really felt much recently is loneliness- until today.

I guess that I really just don’t want to admit it or talk about it because I know I have the Heart Support community, but no one is here where I am physically. I busted my chances I had in high school because I was too quiet- and now I’ve graduated so there is nothing there.

Then there’s college coming soon but what is the difference? I just don’t think there will be a difference.

I remember back last year when my family was unaware of how bad my Grandfather’s health was declining, and that he had Dementia- and he would basically sit at home all day and cry because he was so lonely, and that’s honestly what I’m doing now.

I just don’t know how things are going to get better. I don’t understand why anxiety has to be so stupid and I don’t know why I have to be who I am or how I am.

I hate to admit that I’m jealous of how close other people are to each other because I’ve never had that. There is only one person from High School that I consider a friend but even still she is busy with her own life and she is moving away for college so then I’ll have nobody.

I have applied to job after job after job and all there is is nothing; no call backs- nobody. And then people think I’m not trying but I am I just don’t want to be put in a place where I was with my old job where I wanted to kill myself and things were just too fast and I felt like I was going to pass out when things were too fast and medication didn’t help that and I had chest pains for weeks because of how stressed I was and how anxious I was and how scared I was, I cried at work all the time and it sucked. A lot of people just see a job as a job but it’s not and now I just feel like I’m falling apart and I can’t do it.

I haven’t felt this sad in a long long time- to the point where you feel pain in your chest and you can’t stop crying and you just feel alone and like that will never change.

I feel guilty that I feel jealous of other people’s friendships and bonds with each other and I don’t want to feel that way but I do and I just feel guilty and like a bad person for feeling that way.


#2

Hey @Lyss,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with loneliness. You and I are similar, in that, being isolated for too long can be detrimental. Do you volunteer anywhere? Do you have a network of friends? Or close family members? Do you attend any type of group organizations?

There is a HUGE difference between high school and college (depending on if you move away or stay home for community college; still, there’s a big difference between high school and college). Firstly, your GPA resets once college begins (thank goodness). Secondly, your peers treat you equally with one another (as opposed to high school cliques); your peers WANT to be at school, and because of that, are typically nicer than high school kids. Thirdly, you have the sole power to make-or-break your future (as opposed to high school, where you are generally told “what to do” and “how to do it”). College was the best time of my life. :slight_smile:

Regarding the rest of your post, I’d just encourage you to stay strong and keep pushing. You’re such a warrior. You will get a job and you will develop more friendships. Your time will come!

-Eric


#3

Hi @Lyss! I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with this, sometimes being alone with our own thoughts can be incredibly difficult, as well as lacking human interaction. Please don’t think for a second that any of these feelings are invalid - in fact a number of studies have been conducted showing the incredible benefit of social interaction on mental and even physical health in humans and animals.

Finding the right people can be extremely difficult though, I can understand that. I would like to echo @Eric by saying that college absolutely is different from high school and an incredible opportunity to find life-long, like-minded friends. The game changes completely in college, currently almost all of my closest friendships are with people I met during college, while people I knew in high school were never people that I felt any strong connection with.

You also mentioned that you are struggling to find a job, I know that being repeatedly turned down or ignored can become a heavy weight, especially when you are already lonely. But it does get better, and with persistence I hope that you can overcome this and find a job too. Unfortunately finding work can often be a numbers game, just keep at it (I know that’s easier said than done).

Best of luck to you, stay strong!


#4

I don’t volunteer anywhere, I guess I’m just scared o reach out or I’m stuck in my childhood- like not being able to go places, even though I can drive. I am not close to my family and honestly I don’t even understand the structure of my family because it fell apart and now people are just acting like things are OK which annoys me because all this time things were bd and then things are randomly OK after a conversation. I’m probably still mad that those people just missed the most crucial parts of my life and it’s like they don’t care- they were there for my sister when she graduated but not for me. I haven’t had a network of friends since 7th grade because they all decided to be popular and leave me behind and then I isolated so much that no one wanted to talk to me. I just feel like my life is meant to repeat this cycle over and over.

Today was one of my worst days that I had to fight self injury and it was one of the hardest fights I can remember. I didn’t self injure but today was just bad.

Also I don’t attend any group organizations- there was a church near me that I thought about but I don’t even know where to start with that.


#5

Hey, I’m Steph:)
Lyss, you have no idea how relatable this is to me. I was the quiet one in high school. I have really bad anxiety, even now. I get so anxious and really scared to do things it hurts, it just sucks. However I know I don’t want to be alone, I want to be able to go out and have a good time with people. I have to fight with myself to even get the balls to be like “hey lets hang out”, or whatever.You just have to do it, otherwise your going to be miserable. Even if you ask someone to hang out, a no is way better than not knowing.
College is definitely different from hs. In hs everyone is trying to be cool and discovering themselves. In college everyone is trying to do better, and make something of themselves. Also they are young and want to have a good time. That’s the best place to meet new people.
You cant just wait for people to come around, they may be feeling the exact same thing as you. Don’t be afraid to say hi.
Applying for jobs can take some patience. Don’t get upset or discouraged that you don’t get a call back, maybe its just not meant for you and something better is on your way. Sometimes it takes time.
Its never too late to make friends and meet people. Its all you!


#6

Hello Lyss,
I just want to tell you, you are not alone. All these replies from others are wonderful, showing that people are here and they care. Feeling alone and worthless is something that comes to all of us. Sometimes it hits us hard and some of us deal with it on a regular basis. I am a married mom of three kids and I still feel like this. The thing that gets me through it all aside from being able to talk to some trusted people is the Lord. Honestly. Pour out your heart to Him, he can take it. I really liked your response in your second post about being curious about attending church. That is a WONDERFUL idea. In fact, here is something really cool. I am a volunteer in our church’s youth group and just last night, the youth pastor said something profound. “We are ALL messed up people but this is a place where all are welcome. We do community and LIFE together!” What better place than to belong to a group of people who just want to love one another, despite all the mess. I will be praying for you and just know, you are doing the right thing by sharing your struggles!


#7

Lys friend. You are never alone. Whether you believe me or not you are such a staple in this community and you’re doing amazingly. I know it’s hard to have no friends around you - I deal with the same thing. You will find a job. You will find some friends in college. My best friend applied for jobs for 6 months before she got an interview and still 2 years on she’s not been able to hold up a job. She’s still fighting and trying. You can too.
Love you Lys. You can do this.

Hold fast
Kayla


#8

I can’t even begin to express how much I relate to this.

My nan died this year, she’d overcome SO much it was as if she’d never die. I was expecting her to at least watch me graduate (this coming summer), honestly I was expecting her to live until I left the country in another few years. She was the ONLY person in my entire life I’ve been able to be open and honest to and she would, no matter what, always support me and try her best to help.
I feel so guilty for not being there for her enough over the past couple years, I couldn’t handle seeing my entire world wither away. It made me angry and frustrated and I didn’t want to take that out on her, so I saw her less and less. Now I just wish I had spent that time with her, even if all that happened was arguing at least she wouldn’t have been as lonely as I know she was.

All I ever dream about is having a clone of myself, just so I’d have that one best friend who I’d never be an outsider to. It’s so tiring being the disposable acquaintance. The one who isn’t adequate, the one who isn’t funny enough or smart or pretty enough. I’m not even a side character, I’m just an npc in everyone’s life and it hurts so much to not be actively included. Having to force your way into others lives or be completely forgotten is just too much and I am exhausted. I just want to be that important to other too.

I 100% feel you on a job not jsut being a job. My last one, a simple job working at a supermarket, made me want to kill myself daily. I spent the entire week fretting about having to go back to that place (only worked on weekends). EVERYONE I know would say that isn’t much, it’s just a job, you’re week for not being able to handle even that. . .

I know this doesn’t offer you any advice or sympathies as such but perhaps a shared experience may help?