Dealing with whatever this is

I’m paranoid constantly, I see shadows in my room that move and speak but as soon as I turn on a light they disappear. I hear things that aren’t there, I see things that aren’t there. I constantly think someone is hiding in my room or under my bed, I’ll hear one small house noise and my mind comes up with this scenario of someone crawling through a window or opening up my bedroom door. I constantly believe someone is outside of my house, trying to get in, I believe sometimes people are inside of my house, waiting to get me. I believe I’m always being followed and that if I leave my house I will get murdered or kidnapped. I have 911 on speed dial most nights, and sleep with a knife in my bedside table. It’s terrifying because I know when I’m not having a full-on paranoid sort of episode that what I think is happening isn’t real. I know the sounds I think I hear and the things I think I see aren’t there, but in the heat of the moment when all I can feel is pure fear, I can’t convince my brain that what I’m experiencing is fake. I live in constant fear of my life. I used to be so convinced someone was hiding that I’d cry and scream because I thought I was about to be killed, the only way for me to fall asleep was to hide under or behind something because I thought someone would come in while I was sleeping. I usually can’t fall asleep unless someone else in my house is awake, because if they’re awake that means they’ll know if someone bad is in my room while I’m sleeping. It feels so real because I see shadows from the corner of my eye, figures in corners, people crawling out of my closet, and leaning over me. it’s like I’m completely by myself but I’m never alone in a weird way. I’ll see doors and closet doors move, but the second my eyes focus and I blink, it all stops, and I realize it never started moving. It’s terrifying, and I don’t know if it’s just simple paranoia or if it’s something bigger. I struggle with severe depression and suicidal thoughts often, but I don’t know if this is related. Please give me suggestions.

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Hi it is good that you can recognise what you are going through isn’t real. But in my opinion consult a psychiatrist soon, they can really help and am sure u can over come all of these with the help of a psychiatrist and be happy

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Hi Graciee,

I must preface by saying I’m not a professional but I believe seeing a therapist will help you.

The first thing I thought of when reading your post is Schizophrenia, which usually manifests as the Paranoid type. It would explain what appear to be hallucinations and pervasive paranoid thoughts. It is very good that you realize that what your are experiencing isn’t normal though.

Extreme anxiety can also cause hallucinations although I’m not sure to what extent anxiety would contribute to paranoia.

Either way, I could be wrong but you’ve taken a great first step in seeking help and acknowledging something isn’t right, because now you can take steps towards getting better. I know everyone here has your back and will help you through your tough times. Stay strong, you can do this.

Do you have a behavioral health establishment in your area that you can look into? I know Covid doesn’t make this sort of thing easier, but there must be someone who can help you.

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