Dear friend

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1

I need write here, cause I might post on social media and I don’t want to cause drama to anyone, also don’t wanna make myself look like an asshole.

Dear friend

I been trying my best, to not let these intense emotions get the better of me, trying respect your space and not bother you. But I feel you really don’t give two shit about me. I could jump in front of a car and you would not even shred a tear. I did everything for you, I would have end my own life for you. I would to drive to Rhode Island to see you, to skateboard with you, go to show with you and just be with you. I love the summer we spend time together and I though you were my closest friend. A first female for long that actully like as a person. That was not a loser, that woman can actually think I was cool, but you just same as everyone else.

I know I made a lot terrible mistakes in my life, I was afraid if you found you would hate me. I know I’m not greatest music, but you never got into my music. I know I was not best skater or too scare to do tricks. I guess no matter how drove to see you, take you different skate parks and try be your true friend. I’m never good enough for you.

You cry about how your boyfriend does not care about you. That you spend time with guy, that never give you the time of day, that would just ignore you. You felt so alone, even thou you have tons of friends. Please you don’t want true loneliness is, leaving in your parents not being able to move . Not having anyone being attracted to you, sleeping alone at time holding sheet to pretent is someone .

You don’t my pain you had cause me, you the reason why I think of ending my life. I just post my suicide on Instagram, say your name, so I can show the world of much of an asshole you truly. Maybe, just maybe you might pretend to care .

All want from you was friendship, just to be a friend. You did not have to be my lover, but you never like me as person, you just fucking use me and lie to me. I wish I never fucking met you, even thou I love you.

You the reason I will end my life some day.

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I am sorry that this lost friendship is still troubling you. Sometimes people don’t fit together, even if they love each other, one has to leave.

If the situation was turned around, and you wanted to get away from the relationship, and she didn’t care what you wanted, and just wanted to hang onto you. What if she held you responsible for her emotions? What if she threatened suicide because you didn’t do what she wanted?

Maybe it would be better if you hadn’t met her. Do you love her, or are you obsessed with her? If you love her, you will allow her to have the freedom to be herself, even if it means not having her around.

There are several things in your life that you aren’t happy with. Yet when you write about her, you seem to be unloading the entirety of your emotions, and all blame on her. Does this person whom you love really deserve that?

I know you are dealing with a lot of emotional pain. You are lonely. Parts of your life frustrate you. If you really hold her responsible for all of your pain, how likely is it that you can focus on other areas of your life that need attention?

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Hey @Metalskater1990,

Well done for posting here instead of social medias. It is absolutely okay to use journal entries here for that purpose, especially if it can help avoiding any unwanted consequences afterwards. There are times when words and thoughts need to get off our chest as quickly as possible. Doing it here is definitely a healthy option. It’s truly amazing that you manage to make those decisions in the midst of feeling intense emotions and heartbreak. That you manage to put rational thoughts before emotions, in a way to keep yourself safe.

I’m so very sorry that the loss of this friendship has been such a painful event for you. It will surely take some time for your heart and mind to get used to this reality, without trying to put the blame on either them or yourself. It’s so hard to let go, to find peace, but thankfully it is not impossible. I believe in you and in your ability to get there, at your own pace, and even if it takes plenty of small steps in between.

You are loved and what happened with this person does not define you, nor the possibility for you to see that loved reciprocated one day by someone who will see the beauty in you. :hrtlegolove:

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