Death > Alone

Why does every time I turn a corner in life I loose someone? I have gained a few along the way but they are nothing compared to before once in a while I sit down and think, why? Dwindling that’s a good word for this my soul is dwindling my friends are dwindling everyone I love I’m loosing. Why? I do not remember doing anything wrong I’ve just been living. But somehow every month that goes by I get the feeling that I’m alone I guess the fear of loneliness is mono phobia and I guess it’s a suitable fear. Not just for me. For humanity. Go ask a child anywhere in the world “do you want to die”. Our kind fears things leading to death or solitude which in this case happen to be synonyms. Why do I get the feeling I’m going to die alone?

It’s a really hard thing to do – to die alone. Most of the times it’s self-imposed. It’s easier to choose to be alone than it is to actually be alone.

For instance, my in-laws had a friend whose husband committed suicide. He drove away from his family and died. He chose to be alone. He wasn’t actually alone. He had a loving wife and four beautiful children, on top of a community of neighbors and friends who loved him. Loneliness is more often than not a choice.

My little brother attempted suicide because he felt he was alone. But he wasn’t, he just didn’t know how to choose to ask for love. I love the shit out of him, as do my parents.

In my own life, I have so many people who would pick up the phone if I called and talked about my problems, but often I choose not to. I choose loneliness. I don’t have to be. It’s a choice I can make to not be alone. To reach out, like you just did, to have someone hear me and speak back. Loneliness is very easy to solve…connection is easy, it just requires taking a risk that someone is going to care. And most of the times, the risk pays off. And if it doesn’t on the first try, more often than not it does on the second try.

You don’t have to be afraid of being alone…or dying alone. You have to learn to choose to connect instead of isolating. You get to make that choice! Which is a beautifully empowering thing. And it means that you can exercise that freedom, that power.

And you’re exercising that choice right now by posting here. Well done! Keep at it!


1 Like

Hi friend. This is a fear that I have always carried. That I will die alone. I have very few friends and often struggle to maintain them as I’m always long distance and have always moved. I also do not want children. I’ve lost people to death and I’ve lost people due to relationships fading. Dying alone is a scary thought for anyone.

It’s hard sometimes my friend but you are not alone. We may not always have people physically right next to us, but there is a whole lot of paces for us for each out to and build bonds. The internet has provided a place for me to build friendships so I don’t feel as alone

But I know that sometimes online friendships and strangers doesn’t always fulfill the longing for something more physical and close by. I know too that reaching out and putting ourselves out there can be just as scary. It’s a process. But we are here to encourage you and support you along the way.

I’m sending you a lot of love my friend. You are not alone here

  • Kitty

Hey friend.

When I was deployed in Iraq one of my greatest fears and actually still is to this day is to die alone. Yes I am around people but when I was over there I had to shut off emotions and feelings and stuff to focus on my job.

I been out for almost 10 years now. I still have a problem with showing my emotions and still the same fear of dying alone even though I’m surrounded by people that love and care about me.

I think that it’s more of not wanting to be a burden or bother or a nuisance. Or the fear of rejection when reaching out for help.

But people that honestly truly do love and care WILL make the time for you and listen and be there for you and try to help as best they can. Even if your pride dignity or whatever says other wise reach out. So something terrible won’t happen.

In my own experience my own thoughts are my worst enemy.

I hope you find peace and solace and comfort.

Thank you for sharing